Page 104 of Ashes of Saints

A part of me must have known the first time I looked into his eyes. The haunting familiarity that I couldn’t place was within me, hiding.

Over and over, I’ve tried to understand why he didn’t just tell me who he was. Then again, would I have believed him? Would we have found that hidden space with all the evil within it?

Unlikely.

Sometimes life works out just how it's meant to. Despite how painful it is.

I was looking for answers about my mother, and Parker was looking for his answers.

I guess we both got them.

Not that I know who Marianne Baker truly was, I can tell you this, she was not a woman I am proud to call Mom and not a good person.

I feel betrayed and sick.

I’ve lost a lot of weight and can barely eat.

Part of it is Mom, part of it is missing Parker.

I crave to be held in his arms; to feel the security that only he’s been able to give me. Despite his domineering behavior and deep growls.

He’s my big scary bear.

And it turns out I was falling in love with him.

I sigh loudly.

Going to work has been so difficult, just counting the minutes and hours, wanting more answers that only a dead woman can give me.

I’ve screamed at her in the dead of night, torn through her room and ripped everything apart looking for... anything.

As if what Parker found wasn’t enough.

“Did you watch one?”

“No. Well, yes. I turned one on, watched about sixty seconds, then ran into the bathroom and threw up.”

“You look too skinny.” Chloe frowns. “Why don’t you come and stay with me?”

I shake my head.

“Thanks, but I will be okay.”

Will I? My boss has complained about my performance, I might lose my job, I don’t have the energy to look for another job or barely feed myself.

Which is why I had to open up to my best friend.

“The offer is there, honey bunny.”

“None of it makes sense.” I drop my feet off the coffee table, lean forward and drop my forehead into my hands. “God, Chloe, she was so evil.”

She’s quiet for a moment and I glance up.

“Are you sure she...they...anyone didn’t touch you?”

I drop my eyes and stare at the rug under my feet for a long moment. I’ve wondered the same thing.

“I don’t think so. Which is almost worse. Not knowing. I was so sheltered and hidden from the world, almost.”

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