Page 12 of Rebel in the Deep

Even as I tell myself not to look, I can’t help twisting in their direction. It’s like turning to face the sun. Damn it, I can’t let my continuing attraction to them muddy the waters. There’s a reason I’ve kept my distance from them over the years, and it’s not just because I fell in love with their ex.

If Bastian distracted me from the ugly parts that come with being leader of a rebellion, then Nox would have made me careless in a truly dangerous way. They are the kind of person the unwary can get lost in, and if I’d like to think I would never allow that to happen, the temptation to simplylivefor myself and no other…it’s stronger than I want to admit. My entire life has been in service, first to my parents and then to the rebellion. I can’t stumble now.

No matter how exhausted I am.

Even now, I’m having a hard time not going to them, not leaning on their strength the same way I did in their cabin a few days ago. I remind myself I am Siobhan, leader of the rebellion, and I cannot afford to falter…and yet I crumbled when it was just us.

I crumbled, and they didn’t make me feel worse because of the weakness. They simply met my despair with a plan of action that has a solid chance of being successful.

They look particularly good right now, with their head held high and their crimson coat trailing behind them in the wind of our passage. Their pale skin seems made for the color, but I’d love to see them in anything but the hated bloody tone that represents everything wrong in this world.

Someday…

“Well, I can’t fault your taste.” Lizzie rises. “I’m serious,though, Siobhan. Trying to bully your way into that rescue attempt when we have an entire crew of people willing and capable of being successful is a silly, reckless thing to do.”

It’s a sign of how rattled I am that I actually snarl at her. “Since when do you actually consider yourself part of a crew?”

Lizzie doesn’t blink, but her eyes flash crimson, a sure sign of her irritation. “I’m not Nox or Evelyn or even Bowen.I’mnot going to argue circles with you. If you try to join the rescue attempt, I’m going to knock you the fuck out.” She turns away. “It doesn’t matter if you see me coming. You can’t do a damn thing to stop me.”

My fingers shift, claws shooting past my human skin. “Try to knock me unconscious and you’ll see exactly what Icando.”

“Children, children, let’s not fight.”

I didn’t realize Nox was approaching until they slid between us. They don’t flinch away from my claws or Lizzie’s deep red eyes. They wear a small mocking smile, but their gaze is unrelenting. “Lizzie, this ismyship, and I’ll thank you not to give orders to the people aboard. You’ve stated multiple times that you’re only here for Maeve, which puts you outside the chain of command. Go find something to do.”

Lizzie hesitates long enough that I think she might be spoiling for a fight, but then she shrugs and tucks away every bit of tension in her body. She smiles, flashing sharp canines. “Sure thing,Captain.”

Nox waits for the vampire to walk away before they turn to me. “You’re not coming, Siobhan. We can’t risk you.” They hold my gaze. “In fact, I don’t even want you on deck starting tomorrow morning. We’ll be close enough that we’re bound torun into other ships. Most of them don’t know what you look like, but it’s still too big a risk.”

I take a step toward them—and bounce off an invisible barrier between us. “Nox,” I say quietly. “Are you shielding against me right now?”

“No.” Their smile doesn’t dim. They point to the side, leading me to look to where Bowen stands, his attention on us. Nox shrugs. “Your claws are still out. It’s making my crew nervous.”

Their crew.

Lizzie technically may not be part of it, but it’s clearsheis still more a member than I’ll ever be. There’s no reason for that realization to hurt. I chose not to sail with a crew of my own. It leaves me the ability to move swiftly without the need for votes or protests. The lack of a crew means less chance of people dying simply from being in my presence. It means there’s less chance of my identity being tortured out of people. It’s agoodthing.

It just doesn’t feel like a good thing right now.

I take a deep breath, and then another, doing my best to calm down enough to retract my claws. Most shifters talk about their other half as a separate personality inside them. That’s not how I work. I am me, whether in human form, beast form, or something else altogether.

“Fine. I asked for your help, so I’ll follow your lead. Even if it means hiding.”

“Good girl.” Their lips quirk when the insinuation in their words makes me blush. “Now, I think we can both agree that you’ve sulked enough. I have a task for you.”

Nox

Several days later, we reach the sandbar right on schedule, catching sight of a trio of ships with crimson sails well before the sun sinks below the horizon. I study their positions. TheBone Heartwill be the center one.

“You know what to do, Eyal,” I murmur.

“Take us over to say hello.” Eyal matches my tone, his sure hands easily guiding the ship in that direction.

The deck of theAudacityis mostly barren. It would be odd if there weren’t any crew members around, so we have a few strategically cleaning the deck on the opposite side of the ship from where Evelyn has drawn her circle in preparation for the attack.

Lizzie lounges against the stairway leading to the upper deck. The only indication that her relaxation is a lie is the tension in her shoulders and her breathing coming a little faster than normal. The vampire might be able to decimate a small army with her power, but she’s terrified of the sea.

It really just goes to show that she’s smarter than she looks.

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