Page 51 of Rebel in the Deep

“Shhh. I’m counting.” She narrows her eyes, her lips moving silently.

I shift to Nox’s other shoulder. They’re holding themself perfectly still as if bracing for bad news. I honestly don’t know which way the vote will go. The crew seems to all but worship their charming captain, but if it’s a choice between love and survival? I honestly don’t know. They were happy enough to work for the rebellion, which is dangerous, but this is on another level entirely.

Poet steps forward. “I’m finished. We have three nays…and fifty-five yays. We’re with you, Nox.”

Nox’s knees buckle. I slip under their arm and grab their waist, keeping them on their feet. Their voice is only a little thick as they say, “Set sail for Lyari. Swing southwest, skirting the storms as best you can. They shouldn’t expect us to choose this destination.”

I hope they’re right. In any event, everyone from our party looks dead on their feet—except the old woman, Dia. Bowen leans heavily on Evelyn, or maybe she’s leaning on him; I can’t be sure. Siobhan is still standing strong, holding my cloak to her naked body, but she’s paler than normal. And Nox…well, Nox is shivering in my arms.

I’m not doing too well myself. Despite my claims to Siobhan that I could hold the glamour to hide her—hide us—it took a toll. I’m exhausted and weaving on my feet.

I start toward their cabin, half carrying Nox. “You can’t keep being so reckless. We need you.”I need you.Words I don’t have any right to say, but that doesn’t change the way they linger on my tongue.

It’s a testament to Nox’s exhaustion that they don’t try toshrug off my touch. Instead, they lean a little deeper into me. “You know me. I do nothing halfway.”

I feel Siobhan at our back, which is a small relief because I was going to have to track her down after dealing with Nox. This way, I can deal with them both at the same time. I push the cabin door open. “It seems like we’re in a constant state of patching each other up and we haven’t had a true battle yet.”

“It feels like a battle,” Nox murmurs.

“I still can’t believe they were willing to sacrifice the entire city. I know it’s not as large as Mairi on Second Sister, but that’s still tens of thousands of people. They don’t have magically reinforced buildings; acid would eat through the roofs in short order and harm or kill the people inside.”

“Yes.” Nox slumps against the doorframe. “She has to have Council approval.”

Siobhan’s eyes go wide. “Surely not. The Council might favor Lyari in all ways, but this is too far, even for them.”

“I wish that were the case.” Nox pinches the bridge of their nose. “No matter how powerful Morrigan and her crew are, they wouldn’t have dared try something like this in full view of half the nobles summering in Mairi if she thought it would blow back on her.”

Obviously the Council is aware that something is amiss. They were the moment theCrimson Hagtook me. Shame weighs down my shoulders. “I’m sorry. If I hadn’t fought with Siobhan. If I hadn’t tried to save that woman…”

“It would have happened anyway.” Siobhan tugs at her wet hair. “It was only a matter of time before the Council and the Cwn Annwn became aware of the rebellion.”

“Yes, but…” My throat feels so tight. I was so fuckingfoolish.I don’t know how else to describe it. “When I told you we needed to take the rebellion into the light, I didn’t think the Council would be so comfortable with sacrificing civilians.”

Nox smiles, the expression more cutting than warm. “It’s a rebellion, Bastian. One that has operated under their nose for years. There are no civilians—at least not in their eyes. No one is safe until they’re satisfied that they’ve put us down.”

It’s so grossly unfair and ugly…which is how the Cwn Annwn operates. Despair threatens, and I only hold it off with sheer determination. “Well, at least your crew hasn’t abandoned us.”

“No, my crew hasn’t abandoned us. But maybe they should have.” Nox pushes forward, wearing every single one of their years. “I can’t stand the thought of them dying. Better they sail off to safety.”

“Nox,” I say quietly. “There is nowhere safe. Not if we don’t stop them. You just said as much, and you’re right. It’s sheer luck that the Cwn Annwn have restrained themselves to Threshold for this long, but that won’t be true in a generation or two. The nobles are too greedy, the Council too willing to expand at the expense of everything they’re supposed to protect. Now that they’ve secured their base here, it’s only a matter of time before they turn gluttonous eyes elsewhere.”

Siobhan sighs. “We don’t know that.” It’s part of what we’ve fought about so fiercely in recent months. I can see the path forward, and Siobhan refuses to. “It would be a huge risk to expand their power to other realms.”

“Not if they start with ones where magic is less common. The people there will have no way to defend themselves.”

“Damn it.” Nox curses. “I hate that it doesn’t sound far outside the realm of possibility.”

“Because it’s not.” I hold their gaze. “We’ve been saving people from the beginning, but now it’s time to save, well, everything.”

Nox’s smile loses some of its edge, becoming almost fond. “You’re making me feel all heroic.”

“Youareheroic.” Siobhan’s gaze flicks to me. “You both are the most heroic people I know. It makes me ashamed that I’ve hidden in the shadows for so long.”

Nox tilts their head back and stares at the ceiling. “When you say things like that, it’s hard to fight against the pull of you—of both of you.”

“Then don’t fight it.” I don’t mean to say it. I’m trying to respect the distance Nox has put between us, respect the fact that they continue to evade any entanglement despite the unresolved feelings both Siobhan and I obviously hold. I’ve already caused them more than enough harm because of our past, and I won’t let my selfishness add to that.

“As if it’s that easy.” Nox inhales sharply. “I’m not proud of the fact that you broke my heart and it still hurts fourteen years later.”

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