Page 37 of Rebel in the Deep

An invisible massive hand wraps itself around my waist. Before I realize what’s happening, I’m lifted neatly out of the crow’s nest and brought down to the deck next to Siobhan. The moment I touch down, my knees truly do give out, and I collapse at her feet. I catch sight of a haggard-looking Bowen on the upper deck. He nods to me and then allows Evelyn to guide him down the stairs to the hatch where the crew’s quarters lay.

Our sails are filled with so much air that the masts’ creaks can be heard even over the wailing of the wind. It sounds like the screams of lost souls, if I believed that sort of thing. I don’t know that I do. Death is one giant unknown, and while various islands in Threshold have different cultural and religious beliefs, I’ve always found the mystery to be more attractive than answers. I rub my hand over my face. “How is Nox?”

“Unconscious, but they were running their mouth before they passed out, so I suspect they’ll be fine.” Siobhan shifts Nox into a singular muscular arm and holds out a hand to pull me to my feet. She puts a little too much strength behind it and I actually elevate several inches before landing hard on the deckagain. If she hadn’t kept hold of me, I would be right back where I started. She winces. “Sorry. I’m a little distracted, too.”

“Understandable.” Things were so much easier when we thought we might die before the end of the day. No need to have tough conversations in those circumstances. The danger hasn’t passed entirely, but it’s abated enough that we’ll probably live to see another day. A pair of crew members scramble up the rigging to the crow’s nest; they’ll keep watch for the Cwn Annwn.

We’ve done all we can do.

Poet approaches, looking just as harried as she always seems to be. Her frustration is apparent in every word she speaks. “Take the captain to their cabin. Both of you stay there with them and ensure they get their rest and manage some food when they wake up. Keep off the deck in the meantime. You look like you’re about to pass out, and I don’t have time to worry about one of my people tripping over you.”

Then she’s off, shouting instructions to the closest group of air-users. Siobhan and I exchange a look, and I can’t help a brittle laugh. “It’s kind of nice being treated frankly.”

“Poet certainly has a way about her.” Siobhan turns, seeming reluctant to release me, and starts toward Nox’s cabin.

Now’s the time to retreat to my bunk. No matter what we said, there’s a lot of mess left between us. Caretaking for Nox may create a bit of a bridge, but there’s still so much left unsaid…and things said that can’t be taken back. I called her a coward. The shame that brings me now cannot be overstated. Siobhan is well within her rights to toss me right out of her life.

We’re doing the thing. We’re going to fight the Cwn Annwnand the Council and everyone who would see us fail. I know what Siobhan thinks will happen as a result—that every single member of the rebellion will die—and maybe I’m naive, but I can’t help the hope that blossoms in my chest. By all rights, the Cwn Annwn should have found us out years ago. We’ve been operating in the shadows for a very long time, and they never noticed.

If we can succeed in that, who’s to say we can’t succeed in this as well? Especially if our hunch about the horn pans out.

“Bastian. Are you coming?”

My body makes the decision for me, trotting along after Siobhan. Inside Nox’s cabin, the sound of the storm abates so abruptly that I have to stop and adjust to the heavy silence. It’s strange to look out the windows and see the rain, wind, and waves and yet feel so separate from it. Lightning spears through the sky more rarely, but that’s the only indicator I have that we may be moving away from the storm. I glance over to find Siobhan pulling Nox’s tunic over their head, and I immediately spin back around to present my back.

“Bastian.” She sounds so exasperated that I have to fight not to wilt. “They can’t stay in their wet clothing.”

“I understand that.” But I don’t turn around. I haven’t seen Nox without the shield of cloth since the last night we spent together, and I don’t think they’d thank me for witnessing their vulnerability when they’re not conscious to decide if I should be in the room or not. Just because I’ve seen them naked before doesn’t mean that permission survived our breakup.

There’s still the faint rustling of cloth for several more moments before Siobhan finally says, “It’s safe to look now. I have them under the covers.”

I turn around reluctantly to find that she’s done exactly that, carefully tucking the sheets high over Nox’s chest. Which is right around the moment when I realize both Siobhan and I are dripping water all over the floor. “We’re going to have to clean up all this mess.”

“Without a doubt. Do you want the first shower or should I?”

“Lady’s choice.”

Siobhan rolls her eyes, but some of the tension that’s been riding so intensely in her shoulders has disappeared. “In that case, I don’t want to be wet and cold a moment longer than I have to. I’ll be quick.”

I pause long enough to remove my boots and jacket and pull my shirt over my head. That leaves me in my pants only, which is still decidedly miserable, but at least I’m a little bit warmer. If I had Nox’s fire magic, theoretically I could dry all of our clothing in moments, but in reality I’d probably just burn the clothing off by accident. From what I’ve heard, controlling glamour is so much easier than working with the elements. I’m simply tricking the minds of anyone who witnesses my magic into believing that something’s there that isn’t. In a one-on-one situation, I can even fool their senses, but it’s still a trick confined to their brain. Not reality.

The elements, though? They exist in a space outside of magic. Elemental users can coax or bully or persuade bits of the larger whole to obey their will, but it’s not without cost. Nox has proven that twice already in a handful of days. I’m exhausted and worn out and won’t be able to practice any magic until my inner well refills, but I’m nowhere near the level of burnout that Nox seems to be experiencing.

Worry worms through me. Even if magical burnout doesn’tkill the affected person, it’s entirely likely that if Nox does it enough times, they’ll lose access to the deeper parts of the well of their magic—if notallof their magic. The fact that they continue to risk it?

The captain takes care of everyone, but who takes care of the captain? Nox finally has the community they’ve been seeking since they were a child, but they still seem determined to hold themselves back, to shoulder all the burden so their people don’t have to.

Even as I tell myself they wouldn’t want my proximity, I can’t help drifting closer to the bed where they lay. There are shadows under their eyes and lines bracketing their mouth, even in sleep. “You push yourself too hard. You always have.”

“And you don’t push yourself hard enough…except that doesn’t seem to be true anymore, does it?” Their eyes flutter open but they don’t otherwise move their body, pinning me in place with those pale gray orbs. “We’re clear?”

“At least for now. With the storm and the fog and the wave, it will take them some time to figure out they’re no longer chasing us, but a ghost. The glamour’s gone, but the elements will work in our favor.”

“Good.” They shift and frown. “I’m naked.”

There’s no excuse for the bolt of heat that goes through me at their frank words. I have to actually turn away to hide the physical evidence of my desire—desire they didn’t ask for and wouldn’t welcome. I clear my throat. “Siobhan’s work. I didn’t look. I know that would have been crossing a line. No matter what else you believe of me, please believe that I don’t want to hurt you. I never did.”

“I know.” Nox sighs, sounding more tired than I’ve ever heard them. “We really were nothing more than children, playing pretend at a future that we could barely conceptualize. It’s easy to feel big things at that age, to be sure that the world will end because of a broken heart.”

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