Page 36 of Rebel in the Deep

Nox cracks their eyes open and curses softly under their breath. “At least he accurately portrayed how sexy I am.”

“Of course he did. He still loves you,” I say absently, my mind awash with the impossibility of this display of power. As Bowen’s wave carries us skimming faster and faster forward, the glamoured version of our ship angles northwest while we cut to the east. I’m having a hard time gauging if the phantom ship is moving at accurate speeds or not, but with magic in play, who’s to say what’s accurate and what isn’t? The storm and fog and waves further obscure the details. Surely this will work. Ithasto work.

Nox shivers in my arms. “Report! Someone give me a fucking report!”

Poet sprints up. She’s smarter than the rest of us, because she’s done away with her shirt entirely, wearing only a breast band and pants. The rain clings to her light brown skin andplasters her pants to her muscled thighs. “We’ll know soon enough if they’re following the glamour. We just have to put some more distance between us to ensure they take the bait.”

“Put me back in the amplification circle.”

“Absolutely fucking not,” I snap. “Even if the circle still existed—which it doesn’t—there’s no way I’m letting you pull a stunt like that. You’re already half dead—go back in and you’ll be full dead.”

Nox struggles, and it’s a testament to their weakness that they have no chance of breaking free. I don’t even have to tighten my hold. “Better me than the entire crew and ship. Put me back in.”

“Negative, Captain.” Poet motions frantically, and two crew members that I recognize but don’t know the names of rush forward. “Siobhan is right. The amplification circle is gone, but we can take what you’ve done and continue it.”

“It’s too much. They’ll harm themselves from trying.”

Poet and I exchange a look of perfect understanding. There’s absolutely no chance I am letting Nox back in that circle, even if the circle still existed. The fact that it doesn’t should be comforting, but this is Nox we’re talking about. They are so incredibly stubborn that they might go so far as to demand Evelyn create another one. I’m not going to give them a chance.

Poet turns and rushes toward the upper deck, the pair of crew members with her. Within a few minutes, the fog thickens around us again, so deep that I can’t see anything more than a foot away from the edge of the ship. It strikes me that we might be ruining Bastian’s chances to continue his glamour, but when I look up, I realize that the fog doesn’t quite reach the top of the crow’s nest.

I don’t know what to do. As the leader of the rebellion, I’ve always had an answer. It’s worrisome that the moment we have a proper confrontation and a true threat, I fall apart. But Nox doesn’t. Bastian doesn’t. Even the damn crew keeps it together better than I can. I’ve never felt more like an impostor than I do in this moment, standing in the midst of frenzied action while everyone else does what’s necessary to keep us alive.

“Oh, get that look off your face. You can be a hero next time.” Nox pats my cheek gently, and then their hand lingers there. “And don’t think for a second I missed that horrific lie about Bastian still loving me.”

I glance down at them, fully aware they’re creating a distraction. I’m grateful for it, though. “I only speak the truth.”

“Another lie, Siobhan.” They smile a little, but their gray eyes are somber and serious. “We’re all sure to die before this is over. The only question is whether we survive long enough to bring lasting change…or if we go down as a footnote in Threshold’s history as fools with stars in their eyes, wishing for a better world.”

“We’ve already created change. Bastian was correct. It’s not enough. We need to take more direct steps, but it doesn’t change the fact we’ve done so much good over the years. We’ve saved so many lives, communities, and given people a cause to believe in.”

Nox’s eyes flutter closed. This time they don’t open again. They go limp in my arms, only their steady breathing reassuring me that they will be okay. The fact that they had the presence of mind to distract me even while fighting for consciousness humbles me on a level I’m not prepared to deal with.

Maybe I truly am an impostor, powerful only through anaccident of birth. Yes, my family trained me in everything from leadership to commerce to community. Yes, I’ve done good work, but there are so many better leaders among the rebellion. Bastian and Nox primary among them.

Why the fuck do they even need me?

Chapter18

Bastian

I don’t have cause to stretchmyself magically all that often. Small glamours are easy enough to pull off, but anything large runs the risk of exposure. My parents trained me to control my magic to prevent it from accidentally slipping free, but even since joining the rebellion, there hasn’t been much opportunity to see what I’m truly capable of.

The risk was too high with the possibility of endangering Siobhan and the rest of the rebellion. A valid fear, because all it took was one mental shield that prevented me from using my magic and it all ended.

I’m pathetically grateful Siobhan wasn’t swept up alongside me when I was taken captive. She would consider it the preferable option, certain that she would be able to fight her way free, but it’s more likely that they would have taken us both, and gods forbid the Cwn Annwn realize exactly what a treasure they held in their hand. I may be noble by birth, but I’m notdelusional about my role within the rebellion. I play support. End of story.

Even now, as I fight to maintain the image of the phantomAudacity, sailing so far away that I can barely make it out, I’m aware that I’m replaceable. I have been since the moment I was born, first to my family and then to the rebellion. It’s strange something that stung so sharply with one situation is almost comforting in the other. Ichoseto follow Siobhan. That’s the difference.

The duplicateAudacityis far in the distance now, reaching the edge of my range. I grit my teeth and pour more magic into the glamour. I can see the ships following it, phantom shapes in the fog. “Just a little longer…”

A soft breeze, warm and deeply unlike the wind lashing at my face and hair, caresses the shell of my ear. “Bastian, you can release the glamour now.”

“Okay.” I let it go with a whoosh that slams into me and has my knees knocking together. Every muscle feels strangely liquid, my bones brittle, my head swimming in a way that has nothing to do with the violent rocking of the ship. I cling to the edge of the crow’s nest, determined to keep my feet. If I go down now, I’m not sure I’ll be able to get back up again. Siobhan has enough to worry about taking care of Nox without adding taking care of me to the equation.

I glance down at the deck, my gaze instantly drawn to the woman in question. She stands tall and strong, cradling Nox in her arms. Nox looks so damn small, and the care Siobhan takes with them, holding them close even as she speaks with Poet, makes my chest ache. I’ve held Nox like that, too, what feels like a lifetime ago.

I’m a greedy, unforgivable bastard. No matter how much I love Siobhan, I cannot fully exorcize my love for Nox. Even going without seeing them for fourteen years, that emotion never went away. I’ve heard all the stories of their exploits, how they worked their way up through Hedd’s crew until they became quartermaster, about everything they’ve done since becoming captain. They were already impressive when we were young and foolish and filled with so many dreams that the world was eager to crush. Now they’re on another level entirely.

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