Page 29 of Rebel in the Deep

During the first few years after leaving theBrune, Bastian and I spent a lot of time apart, carefully courting people to our cause. It was in that time that I met Nox and so many others. But as the years passed, it became clear how vital secrecy was in order to keep people safe.

That secrecy demanded Bastian and I isolate ourselves. Me more than him, honestly. Up until his arrest, he kept up the fiction of being the feckless second Dacre son. Publicly he oversaw his father’s interests in Three Sisters. Privately he used his connections to secure funding and all manner of support for the rebellion.

And all the while, I kept to the shadows. I got used to it over the years. Which means that, as nice as it is to be among Nox’s crew, helping switch over the sails to a mundane white, it’s a bit overwhelming. Everyone moves in a seamless rhythm that I’m a half step behind on no matter how hard I try.

The crimson sails are rolled up and deposited into a subsection of the deck that’s been magicked open. Not standing in the bloody shadow of the Cwn Annwn sails helps the pressure in my chest, but I’m achingly aware of the fact that my sister catching us will result in the deaths of many of these people—if not all of them.

Morrigan isn’t the type to leave survivors to spread the taleof rebellion. Our parents taught her that lesson well; better to leave no witnesses than to risk exposure. It’s a lesson I internalized alongside her, but instead of killing anyone who witnesses me in my hound form, I simply…don’t shift. Not all the way.

My sister may be violent to the extreme, but she’s no fool. She doesn’t shift fully, either. All of Threshold would have heard about it if she did. A partial shift could be attributed to any powerful shifter, but our hound forms are not normal by any stretch of the imagination. We’re too large, too fluid, too uncanny. No one looking at us would mistake us for a normal shifter.

And the Council and Cwn Annwn would never allow a symbol like that to exist, even within their control. They’d kill Morrigan, Council member, noble, or no. They’d certainly killme.

A soft grunt has me looking over my shoulder. I immediately wish I hadn’t. Bastian is in the middle of the deck, helping Evelyn do something to the warding circle drawn there. In the heat of the afternoon, he’s removed his shirt and…

Longing hits me so hard, it roots my feet to the deck. His light brown skin gleams in the sunlight, practically begging to be touched. I know what the lines of his muscles feel like beneath my fingertips, how they flex when…

He grins at something Evelyn says and then laughs aloud, the sound reaching me even over the length of the ship. My hearing is better than most, and gods, I want nothing more than to move closer, to catch whatever they’re talking about that’s so amusing, to soak up some of the sunlight Bastian seems to carry with him wherever he goes. No matter what happens, he bounces backso fast.

“You should talk to him.”

I heard Nox approach, but can’t seem to tear my gaze from Bastian. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Siobhan.” There’s amusement in Nox’s tone, but beneath it something infinitely more complicated. “You clearly love him as much as he loves you.”

“Love is the least of the elements that keep people like us apart.”

This time, Nox does laugh. It’s got a bitter edge, so unlike them that I finally manage to tear my attention from Bastian. They hold a hand up to shield their gray eyes, and if Bastian seems to be finding his feet quickly, Nox has recovered even faster. Their skin is as warm as the light flickering over the waves, their short blond hair ruffling in the wind of our passing.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing.” They shrug, a small smile still playing at their lips. “Just that we’re likely on a suicide mission. It’s incredibly silly to let a little argument get in the way of whatever happiness you can claim before Morrigan rips out all our throats.”

Despite my best intentions, my hand goes to my throat. What Nox describes isn’t enough to killme. My sister already tried it, when we were barely more than children, years before the fire. Asparringaccident, according to her. My parents believed her, despite my fear over her ferocity. I don’t know if things would have been different if they’d realized how much she wanted to be heir, no matter the cost.

The scars are all but gone, courtesy of my healing ability, but the memory remains unblemished no matter how many years pass in the meantime. “We’re not going to die.”

“Sure we are, darling.” They’re doing a damn good job atplaying the careless captain, but they can’t quite manage to banish the strain lingering beneath every word. “Everyone dies eventually. Even gods.”

I cross my arms over my chest. “If what you say is true, why not rekindleyourromance with Bastian?”

Thatgets a reaction. They flinch. “Excuse me?”

“It’s only a conversation gone wrong, a single fight, right?” I’m being cruel, but no less cruel than they were. “More time may have passed, but don’t lie and tell me you feel nothing for him. I see the way you watch him when you think no one is paying attention.” I know exactly how much Bastian still cares for Nox. He knows he did them wrong, so he’s respected their very clear boundary of not wanting to see him, but his feelings are clear in the rare times when he speaks of them.

Maybe those short conversations are when I started toseeNox. The charming pirate, yes, always, but they care so bloody deeply. More than they want the world to know.

“Oh, sure.” They wave a careless hand. “I’ll just take him to my cabin and fuck him right now. That’s what you want, correct?” The edge in their words is even more pronounced. Nox shakes their head. “I might as well fuckyouinstead. At least we don’t have the messy history.”

I turn fully to face them. I’ve never been able to afford to tread carelessly with my lovers. My strength can bring more pain than pleasure if I lose control—and there’s always the risk of losing control. Bastian and I found ways around it, and while we never spent much time in the beds of others, the specter of Nox was there often enough that I laugh in their face. “We don’t have a messy history? Come now, Nox, I never took you for a liar.”

“Compared to Bastian, we don’t.”

I lean closer and lower my voice. “We have a messy historybecauseof Bastian.”

Nox raises a brow. “Are you propositioning me?”

I can’t help the bolt of pure need that sears me at the thought of doing just that. But I’m not ruled by my desires. I can’t afford to be when so much hangs in the balance. “Nox, I swear to the gods.” I look up at the clear sky as if it might offer me some advice. Even if it did, I wouldn’t take it. “Sleeping with you while Bastian is among the crew would be the height of cruelty. You have too much unfinished business.”

---