Page 22 of Rebel in the Deep

“A year,” Nox repeats. “I see.”

There’s so much I could say. I could tell them that the moment they sailed out of port, I was waiting for them to return so I could right the mistake I’d made in letting them leave. That as the weeks ticked into months, I realized that Icouldn’tfix anything. That my cowardice had ruined everything. So, when the opportunity came to travel to Mairi to look after one of my father’s business interests, I jumped at it.

Except instead of magically finding Nox again, I met Siobhan in a pub one evening after long negotiations. In the weeks that followed, I secured the deal for my family, and then decided to stay with Siobhan, to help her realize the dream she held of a free Threshold.

None of that will change the hurt I caused. The harm. “I’m sorry.”

I actually see Nox putting their charming mask back into place. They grin, but the expression doesn’t reach their eyes. “We’re all sorry about a lot of things.”

“Nox—” I don’t know what I’ll say to try to take away the pain I’ve caused.

They don’t give me the chance. “Siobhan is scared,” they cut in. “It’s understandable. She’s been hiding her entire life, and we’re asking her to go against the training that’s kept her alive and the rebellion running smoothly.”

“Yes,” I say slowly. The change of subject is clunky, but I’m not cruel enough to force the issue. Nox asked their question and I answered it. They don’t owe me a single thing; certainly not forgiveness. “But hiding won’t work anymore.”

“No, it won’t.” Nox sounds exhausted. As if realizing it at the same time I do, they give themself a shake. “Go talk to Poet—she’s the large woman who looks like she tosses kegs for fun. She’ll give you a room assignment and see about some extra sets of clothing so you don’t have to walk around in mine.”

I like wearing your clothes. I always have.

I don’t say it. I may not be a genius, but even I know that would hurt them unnecessarily. “Okay.”

When I don’t immediately move, they shake their head. “Go, Bastian.” They speak softly, but there’s no give in the words. “We have plenty to talk and argue about in the morning. We all need our rest.”

It’s a clear dismissal. I move slowly toward the door. “I’m sorry, Nox. For everything.”

“We all are.”

Chapter10

Nox

I don’t bother to change afterBastian leaves my cabin. No matter what I told him, I won’t be sleeping tonight. I hurt too much for the sweet embrace of oblivion. Which just goes to show I’m a fool.

Instead, I wait long enough to ensure our new guest will be safely tucked into his room, and then I slip out the door and onto the deck. We’re still racing away from the inevitable pursuit, and the few air-users on the deck are entirely focused on their task and, aside from short nods, pay little attention to me.

I’m not in the mood for company, so I make my way to the stern. There’s a little space between the railing and some supplies we have strapped down, and I tuck myself into it, letting the wind and waves of our passing soothe me as little else can.

The sea may be a cruel mistress, may be as changeable as any force I’ve encountered, but she’s not selfish and petty andshortsighted in the way we humans are. Her cruelty is pure in the way only an element can be. Fire, air, earth, water: they have unique personalities, but they’re all beautifully uncaring and beyond our human concerns.

It’s good to be reminded how small we are in the grand scheme of things. Humans, monsters, others, we could be wiped off the face of Threshold tomorrow and it wouldn’t matter. The sun would still rise and set, the tides would still be called by the moon, the storms would still sweep across the sea, the fire would still burn as easily as it warms.

I close my eyes and breathe the salty air deep.

Things were always going to change, this conflict was always coming, but I was fool enough to think I’d have more time. I’ve only been captain for a few months, after having spent more than a decade under Hedd’s tender mercies. It was difficult doing my part for the resistance while trying to corral that asshole, and I had been looking forward to more time to actually make a difference.

Which just goes to show—I should be careful what I wish for.

A slight creak of timbers has me opening my eyes as Bowen sinks carefully next to me. There’s not much space, so his broad shoulder brushes mine. I sigh. “Did you draw the short straw to come talk to me?”

“Eyal is busy keeping us on course, Poet is dealing with the new addition to the crew, and Evelyn decided I would be a better choice than Lizzie.”

I make a show of shuddering. “Threatening me with the vampire. That’s just rude.” I like Lizzie quite a bit, but it doesn’tchange the fact that I’m feeling too raw to deal with her brutal honesty. “What about Maeve?”

“You don’t get Maeve without the vampire attached to her hip.” He braces his wide forearms on the railing. “What’s going on, Nox?”

I almost tell him to mind his own damn business, but the crew will have to find out the change of plans soon enough. No matter what Siobhan and Bastian—and I, I guess—decide, we can’t force the crew to do anything they don’t want to do. I have no interest in forcing them. Which means a vote.

“Up until this point, the rebellion has functioned in secrecy. Siobhan is the head, and she coordinated all the moving pieces to do the most good with the least amount of danger. Bastian being taken captive…and then our rescuing him? It changes things.”

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