Page 97 of Songs of Summer

“You’re my anchor,” she added, touching his cheek with the back of her hand. He rolled over on his back, speaking straight up toward the ceiling, without having to look at her.

“About that, Maggie. I don’t really want to be an anchor. I want to see the world. I want to study abroad and teach abroad. My favorite part of this weekend was talking to Paul and Bea about their travels and sabbaticals. It’s one of the main reasons I became a professor.”

Maggie wondered where this was coming from, his true feelings or, as she suspected, an elaborate invention. “This isn’t working, J,” she said. “I know you’re making this up to set me free.”

He switched the light back on, got out of bed, unzipped his backpack, and handed her a printed form.

“What’s this?”

“A frequent flyer credit card application.”

“This is your proof? We shouldn’t get married because you applied for a new credit card on the airplane? I need a little more than that, sorry.”

“I love you, Maggie, but I think I’ve been living your adventures for too long. I want to have some of my own.”

“You’re just saying all this because you think I like Matt.”

“I don’t think, Maggie, I know. It’s all right there in your eyes. You don’t look at me the way you look at him.”

“How do I look at him?”

“You look at him like a new album that comes into the shop, when you can’t wait to rip off the wrapper, place it on the turntable, and soak up every track before playing it over and over again. And you look at me like your worn-out copy of ‘Big Yellow Taxi’ that you put on when you’re feeling blue and sentimental. They’re both love, don’t get me wrong, but there’s a difference.”

His eyes were on the ceiling through this whole speech, but now he turned to her.

“I want to be looked at like that, Maggie. But not right now. Right now, I want to see the world.”

“But I belong with you, Jason. I—I always have,” she stammered.

“And you always will. You’ll always be my best friend. ButI think you may belong with Matt now. It’s obvious to everyone.”

“It’s so late, and I’m so tired, I can’t think straight.”

He placed his hand lovingly on her head and whispered:

“Go to sleep.”

A few minutes later Maggie whispered:

“Are you still up?”

“Yes.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat, before asking, quite painfully:

“Do you think this is our last sleepover?”

“I do.”

Her eyes filled with tears, and he pulled her close. While she lay in his arms, a stunning thing happened. She felt as if she were being unfaithful, to her heart.

Track 49

Real Love

Matt

Late that night,after Matt had watched Maggie walk away in the moonlight through his bedroom window, he had fought the overwhelming desire to run downstairs, sweep her off her bare feet, and confess everything he had been feeling since the first moment she’d smiled at him.

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