Page 79 of The Love Haters

I nodded, and I looked at the bike.

“Thought you might need a ride home,” Hutch said.

A sailboat was gliding by on the water.

“Do you know you don’t have any shoes on?” Hutch asked then.

I looked down. Sure enough, I didn’t.

Hutch kicked off his own sneakers and left them next to my feet.

I didn’t put them on—just turned my attention back to the water. “That’s a kind offer,” I said.

“What’s going on?” Hutch asked then.

Half an hour ago, I would have said,Nothing.

But if I was going to try to stand up for myself, it might be easier if I had some company. It was a risk, though. It was possible that Hutch might decide to stand with the crowd. I looked over at Hutch’s fit, fearless profile. There was no way on earth he’d ever experienced anything like what I was feeling right now.

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t be on my side.

I took a breath and decided to take a chance on him.

“When I used to be engaged to Lucas Banks,” I said, “that first year he got famous… I went with him to an awards show. And I wore a vintage, funky dress with flowers on it, and the internet decided I looked terrible—and thenwent insanewriting hateful comments about me.”

I glanced at Hutch.

“Thousands,” I said. “I won’t repeat them.”

He nodded, likeOkay.

“In the wake of it,” I said, “I was very mean to myself. And I kind of stopped eating. For a year or so. And I tried very hard to be”—How to put it?—“skinny enough to be invisible.” But maybe that wasn’t right. I shook my head. “Skinny enough to be safe from criticism.”

Hutch squinted, likeHuh.

“And I might have lived that way forever, except that then Lucas cheated on me, and then left me, and then I fell apart, and then my cousin Beanie staged an intervention and set my scale on fire.”

Hutch nodded, likeNone of this is weird.

“And, after that, slowly, I got better. I’ve been working on it very hard—finding a way to be okay. Burning that scale really helped. Also, getting away from Lucas. And keeping a journal. And… coming here.” I waved my hands. “Stuff. You know. Personal growth. Exposure therapy. Rue makes it hard to be invisible.”

Hutch stepped closer.

I took a breath. “But then today…” My voice disintegrated. I wished the epiphany I’d just had would take all the sting out of it—but it didn’t. I looked up at the sky and tried again. “Today, an articlepopped up on a gossip site with a photo of me, saying—” I felt a hitch of worry that I shouldn’t mention specifics.What if Hutch agreed with them?But I pushed on: “Saying… that I was ugly.”

Wow, that word tasted bad in my mouth.

But I will never be able to repay Hutch for the total, unmitigated shock that overtook his face as I said it. “What?!” he said.

I nodded. “Saying I was so ugly that I should kill myself.”

And then, Hutch did a funny thing: He laughed.

A quick little laugh. And then a headshake.

That got my attention. I frowned. “Are you laughing?”

Hutch shrugged. “I mean, it’s funny.”

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