Page 129 of The Love Haters

That’s when Hutch took a deep breath and let it out. “I’m trying,” he said then, “really, really hard… not to kiss you.”

A funny little joy bloomed through my body. I stepped closer. “You are?”

Hutch put out a hand, likeStop. “I am.”

Then I said, “But youcankiss me. You won the drinking contest.”

“That doesn’t mean I get the prize.”

“But you have Cole’s permission,” I said.

“Not really.”

“You have a hall pass. You can totally kiss me—guilt-free. Cole won’t ever know or care.”

“That’s not real.”

“Sure it is,” I said. “Cole was insisting.”

At last, Hutch opened his eyes. “Cole wasn’t insisting. He wasdaring.”

It was beyond frustrating to me in this moment that Hutch was refusing to get anywhere near me for a reason that wasn’t even real. Of course,yes, it was reasonable for him to refuse—under all circumstances—to kiss his brother’s girlfriend.

I justwasn’t his brother’s girlfriend.

“You havemypermission,” I said then.

“Don’t say that.”

“You’ve kissed me before.”

“That was before I knew about you and Cole. And you should never have let that happen, by the way. Are you a bad person?”

“No.”

Hutch closed his eyes again. “Then why the hell were you kissing your boyfriend’s brother?”

“You kissed me first.”

“But you kissed me back.”

“It’s weirdly complicated.”

Hutch opened his eyes. “What were you thinking?” he asked.

“Look, I had a reason that it was okay, but I just can’t tell you about it right now.”

He closed his eyes again. “I take it back. I don’t want to know.”

And then I couldn’t resist saying, “It’s still okay, actually.”

“How? How could it possibly be okay?”

“I can’t tell you.”

Here was the problem: we were two single, consenting adults. But Hutch didn’t know that. And I wasn’t honestly sure if he’d still feel the same way about me after he knew the truth. I’d participated in Cole’s lie. As much as I thought I could justify my choices logically… logic and feelings were hardly the same thing. Who knows what kind of magic goes into one person liking another person? There were no guarantees that this bad situation wouldn’t just get worse.

I might never get another kiss, is what I’m saying.

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