Page 124 of The Love Haters

But Cole went on. “For real, man. Make it happen. No questions asked. She’s yours.”

What was he—a feudal lord? “Cole,” I said, shaking my head. “That’s not your permission to give.”

“No? Why not? He won, fair and square.”

“What is this?” I said. “The Middle Ages?”

But now Cole was turning to Hutch. “Just do it,” he said. “You know you want to.”

“I don’t want to,” Hutch said.

“You one thousand percent do,” Cole said.

But Hutch shook his head. “I really don’t. You have no idea how much.”

Okay, that was a little emphatic. But of course—right? Hutch’s understanding of who I was in this situation was completely wrong. I wouldn’t want to kiss me, either.

“You can’t fool me,” Cole said.

“I wasn’t interested in your last girlfriend, and I’m not interested in this one, either.”

“Keep telling yourself that, buddy.”

“We should go home,” Hutch said.

“Absolutely,” Cole said. “Just as soon as you kiss my woman.”

“Shut up. Let’s go.”

“I’m serious. I’m giving you this—and you should take it.”

“I don’t want it.”

“Yeah, you do.”

“You could beg me all night, and I wouldn’t kiss her. You could punch me in the face, and I wouldn’t kiss her. You could pay me a thousand dollars, and I still wouldn’t kiss her.”

Ouch.

It was meant to settle things, I guess.

But wow, did it make things worse. Because at that, one of the gross old men in a booth nearby said, “I’ll kiss her for a thousand dollars.”

We all turned in his direction. He climbed out of the booth, a fair bit knackered himself. He was a lot bigger standing up.

Silently, Hutch shifted into position to shield me.

“Notyou,” Cole said, walking closer to the old guy. He gestured back at Hutch. “Justhim.”

“I said I’ll do it,” the gross old man said. “You want to pay somebody to kiss that girl? I’ll do it.” Then he looked me over. “Heck, I’ll do it for free.”

“Absolutely not,” Cole said. “No way in hell.”

“Why not?”

“Look at her!” Cole said. “She’s young and pretty! And you are an old, sad, drunk dude at a bar!”

At that, without even hesitating, the old, sad, drunk dude launched a fist forward and punched Cole in the face.

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