Page 35 of The Rom-Commers

“Other problems,” I said, in a tone likeWhere to begin?“I guess the next giant issue is that none of the things that happen in this script correspond to the original. At all. It’s almost like you’ve never even seen the movie.”

“No comment.”

“Have you seen the movie?”

“Of course.”

“Recently?”

“Not sure that’s relevant.”

“I think it’s pretty relevant. You’ve got the characters going toa line-dancing competition!”

“So?”

“So there is no line dancing inIt Happened One Night!”

Charlie shrugged. “They said to update it.”

“Withline dancing?”

He shrugged again. “It wasn’t taken.”

“It ‘wasn’t taken’?”

“All the other kinds of dancing have been done. Ballroom. Swing. Latin. Hip-hop. Dirty. Not to mention the wholeMagic Mikestripping franchise.”

“There was line dancing inFootloose.”

“But that’s not a rom-com.”

“You don’t even know what a rom-com is!”

“I do now.”

I gave him a look, let him have the point, and then said, “Disqualifyinglybad problem number three: there is nothing romantic here. At all. The leads don’t even like each other, as far as I can tell.”

“They like each other. What about when she falls on top of him?”

“That’s an accident.”

“Yes, but it leads to a sexy moment.”

“Sexy how? She gets a concussion.”

“But they gaze into each other’s eyes before she passes out.”

“I didn’t read that as gazing. I read it as glaring.”

“That’s on you.”

“No, that’s onthe script.”

“I’m telling you, that’s a turning point for them.”

“And I’m telling you, that’s not how that works.”

“Fine. Fall on me sometime, and I’ll show you.”

---