Page 26 of The Rom-Commers

“Ah,” I said.

“It’s so funny that you believed him,” Charlie said. “Didn’t hejustlie to you?”

My shoulders hunched in my defense. “Yeah, but… he doesn’talwayslie. Most of the time he tells the truth.” Then I had to add, “I think.”

“Well, he wasn’t telling the truth about that.”

“Fine,” I said. “Got it.”

“I mean,” Charlie went on, still marveling at Logan’s gall and my gullibility, “I don’t write with anyone. Ever. Logan knows that. And if I’m really your favorite writer”—he glanced at me like he’d caught me—“you’d know that, too.”

“Yes,” I said, mechanically, repeating the very famous story. “You once tried collaborating with Topher James Heywood, and it ended in a bar fight where you almost got shanked with a broken beer bottle, and then you never worked with anyone else again. I’ve seen you tell that story like ten times. Though sometimes it’s a Heineken bottle, and sometimes it’s Sam Adams.”

Charlie nodded like I’d proved myself, and then he said, “I never should have named the beer. I keep saying the wrong beer and getting angry DMs about it.”

“There’s a whole discussion board on Reddit.”

“That’s disturbing.”

“I’m on Team Heineken, by the way. But only because I like the label.”

Charlie considered that. “Heineken it is, then.”

That felt weirdly good.

But then something hit me.Heywood.

Topher James Heywood.

“Wait,” I said. “Does Topher James Heywood also go by T.J. Heywood?”

Charlie flared his nostrils like he was not a fan. “Yes. ‘T.J.’ and ‘Teej’ and ‘Trey’ because he’s a ‘the third.’ And also…”

“Also what?”

“He has another nickname, but nobody uses it but him.”

“He has a nickname for himself?”

Charlie flared those nostrils of his again. “Yeah.”

“What is it?”

Charlie hesitated. “Jablowmie.”

“What?” I didn’t get it.

“Because of the last name?” Charlie prompted. “Heywood.”

“Jablowmie Heywood?”

“Flip it,” Charlie said, and when I still hadn’t cringed in recognition, he flipped it for me: “Heywood Jablowmie.”

I dropped my shoulders, likeSeriously?“That’s the nickname he chose for himself? It’s not even in the right order!”

“I’ll be sure to mention that to him.”

“Why were you eventryingto write with this guy?”

---