Page 17 of The Rom-Commers

“She may be an amateur, but there were circumstances—”

“No.”

“No?”

“No. This isn’t happening.”

“I just think that if you—”

“Buddy. Come on. I’d be irritated if you showed up with anybody, honestly. But some random girl you had a thing with in high school? That’s just insulting.”

“I’m telling you, she’s good.”

“I’m telling you, I don’t care.”

“I’m handing you the help you need to get this done and move on, and you’re throwing credentials at me.”

“Credentials exist for a reason.”

“Look, rom-coms are her specialty. They’re her whole thing. She can recite every line ofWhen Harry Met Sallyto you verbatim.”

“Please don’t let her do that.”

“I’m telling you, you’ll never meet another writer who knows more about rom-coms. She’s obsessed. And she’s got nothing else in her life. No relationship. No kids. Nothing at all. This isall she does. Imaginary love is the only thing she’s got.”

Oh, god, Logan. You’re killing me.

Then Logan made a fateful decision. He lied. To Charlie Yates. About me.

I can still hear it in slow-mo.

“She’s read the screenplay,” Logan said, “and she loved it.”

What!

It was all I could do to physically restrain myself from bursting in and correcting the record. I didnotlove it! Ioppositeof loved it—times a thousand. I detested it. I abhorred it. I wanted toscorch it from the earth—and my own memory, and all of space and time.

It was one thing for Logan to humiliate me in front of Charlie Yates with true things about my actual tragic life. It was quite another for him todefile my writing integrity with falsehoods.

That’s when Charlie paused. “She read the screenplay, and sheloved it?”

I knew in an instant: Logan hadsomiscalculated.

Logan had made a guess that Charlie didn’t know his screenplay was bad. That he couldn’t help but love his own work. That if he told Charlie I loved his screenplay—the way he thought Charlie secretly loved it, too—that would put us on the same team. United against a cruel world that didn’t understand.

“Yes,” Logan lied.

No!

But it was the wrong call.

“Then she doesn’t know shit about rom-coms. Even I know that thing is an insult to the genre.”

Thank you!

Why did I feel so relieved that he knew that?

Logan registered his mistake now. Charlie Yates knew his terrible screenplay was terrible. Lying to him that I’d loved it was nothelping mebut doing the opposite. So he rerouted: “The point is, she’s a huge fan of you, man!”

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