Page 140 of The Rom-Commers

“Emma, we agreed.”

“Youagreed,” I said.

But now he was returning to his senses.

He shook his head. “We have to stop.”

“Why?”

“You’ve been drinking, for one.”

“I am totally sober.”

“That’s exactly what a drunk person would say.”

“The belly flop sobered me up.”

“That’s not how that works.”

“Maybe it’s the hypothermia—”

“You do not have hypothermia.”

“—or maybe it’s the adrenaline. Who knows what kinds of chemicalreactions go on inside the human body? But I’m fine.” I touched my pointer finger to my nose a couple of times for proof. “See? Easy! We’re good. I could walk a straight line right now. I could do a cartwheel. I could take the SAT.”

“Emma,” Charlie said, “there’s an empty champagne bottle lying on its side in the flower bed.”

“I admit that’s a large quantity of alcohol,” I said, trying to sound extra sober. “But I drank it slowly and responsibly over a long period of time. Like a grown-up.” Then, for added panache: “Like aFrenchgrown-up.”

“Emma…” Charlie said, shaking his head. “You are not in a state to give consent—to anything.”

Ugh. Now he was throwingconsentat me?

How was I supposed to argue with that?

Maybe I could use my feminine wiles.

Did Ihavefeminine wiles?

I decided to find out.

“Come here,” I said, waving him closer.

Charlie leaned cautiously in.

“I’m leaving in a few days,” I said conspiratorially. “We’ll never have to see each other again. And so I’m wondering if you’d be willing—just real quick”—and I still can’t believe I suggested this—“to go to bed with me.”

“What!” Charlie yelped, pulling back.

“I think it’s a great idea,” I said, refusing to participate in his drama.

“Emma,” Charlie said, shaking his head. “Do I have to explain what consent is to you?”

“I won’t tell anyone,” I stage-whispered.

“There will be nothing to tell,” Charlie stage-whispered back.

“Look,” I said, changing tack, “I have never in my whole life had the chance to sleep with someone who I really, really wanted to sleep with.” To be clear, “really, really wanted to sleep with” was a euphemism for “was hopelessly half in love with.”

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