Page 112 of The Rom-Commers

I nodded like this was good. “We’re breaking all the rules tonight, Charlie. We’re leaving our old limitations behind. Now give me some names.”

“Names of what?”

“Of people you could kiss.”

Charlie blinked. “People I could—?”

“Kiss, kiss,” I said, in a tone likeGet with the program. “There have to be women in your life who could help you with this. Friends from high school. Divorcées. Or—what about some of the actresses I’ve seen you with on the red carpet?”

Charlie was totally aghast. “You want me to kiss real people—in real life?”

“All you need is one. What about Liza McGee? She’s cute.”

Charlie could not disguise his horror. “She’s, like, nineteen!”

I shrugged. “That’s legal enough.”

“You can’t be serious. Iworkwith these people.”

“Charlie, thisiswork. This is research.” Then, before he could brook another protest, I said, “What about Brooklyn Garcia?”

“She just had a baby! And she hates me.”

I saw a pad of paper at the far end of the island and stretched way over to grab it.

“What are you doing?” Charlie said.

“Making a list,” I said.

“Of women for me to proposition?” he said.

“Of potential sources,” I said, like this was Woodward-and-Bernstein-level stuff.

I wrote downBROOKLYN GARCIAandLIZA MCGEEand then crossed them out. Then I held my pen to the pad. “Let’s brainstorm some potentials.”

“I’m not doing this,” Charlie said. “I’m not going to call up random women and ask them to kiss me.”

“Forresearch!” I said, like that made it better.

“It’s creepy.”

“It’s for the sake of art.”

“This script is hardly art.”

“It could be. If you would take it seriously.” Then I had an idea. “What about your ex-wife?”

“What!”

“You’ve kissed her before,” I said, likeNo big deal.

“You have lost your mind.”

“I’m just trying to get you past this mental block.”

“This is not the way to do it. I’m not going to proposition random actresses, or—god forbid—my ex-wife, to do something that literally nobody on earth could possibly even start to understand except for another writer.”

It was meant to end the argument.

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