Page 42 of Hello Stranger

“I’m just going to hide in my apartment until the edema goes down.”

“Why don’t you want to see people?”

“It stresses me out. I’m embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed that you can’t recognize them?”

“Yes.” Embarrassed I couldn’t recognize them. Embarrassed I couldn’tseethem. Afraid of hurting their feelings or snubbing them by accident or seeming like a bitch. Humiliated to not be myself. Disappointed to no longer be a brain surgery poster child. Mortified, ultimately, to not be sonot okaythat I couldn’t even hide it.

“What if you just told people?”

That question didn’t even make any sense. “Told people what?”

“About what you’re dealing with right now. About what you’re going through.”

“What? Like, wear a T-shirt that says, ‘I can’t see you’?”

“That’s one option, I guess.”

“Never,” I said.

“Never?”

“I will never tell anyone about this face thing. Not voluntarily.”

Dr. Nicole leaned forward like that was the most interesting thing I’d said all day. “Why not?”

“Because that’s need-to-know information.”

“It might help you feel more comfortable.”

“The whole world doesn’t need to know that I’m malfunctioning,” I said, like that settled it. But Dr. Nicole didn’t seem satisfied. So I added, “I just want to be my normal self.”

“But you aren’t your normal self right now.” She mercifully did not add,And might never be again.

“I’m just going to take a fake-it-til-ya-make-it approach.” That’s what I’d been doing my whole life. “If I can’t be okay, I’ll seem okay.”

“Seeming okay and being okay are not the same thing.”

“Close enough.”

“In fact,” she said, leaning in a little, “they might cancel each other out.”

“Are you saying I should just walk around wailing and weeping?”

“I’m saying,” she said, “that it’s better to be real than fake.”

I could have argued with her. But I had a feeling I’d lose.

Dr. Nicole went on. “It might help people to know what’s going on with you. It might help them help you.”

“Have youmetpeople?” I asked. “People don’t help other people.”

Dr. Nicole let that land for a second. Then she said, “I can think of a few teachers, firefighters, nurses, loving parents, and Good Samaritans who might disagree with you.”

The Good Samaritan.

And just as I remembered him, Dr. Nicole said, “Didn’t someone save your life recently?”

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