Page 150 of What You Wish For

It sounds crazy, I know.

But it was like, I’d spent the entire day just trying to hold my heart together, and I couldn’t bear the idea of breaking it open again.

“I’m not a guy who runs away,” Duncan said. “I’m a better man than that.”

He was. He absolutely was. And suddenly my eyes had tears in them.

“You are a better man than that,” I said.

He leaned closer, like he might kiss me, but I stepped back.

I shook my head.

Duncan frowned.

“I can’t,” I said. “I can’t ask you to do this. It’s not fair to you. You’ve got enough to cope with as it is. I can’t ask you to be my caretaker.”

“Hey.” He reached out to try to take my hand. “Sam—”

But I edged away. “Don’t,” I said.

It was too much. The way I felt about him was too much. I was afraid to care that much for anybody. I knew now, after waking up alone, how vulnerable I was. And I just couldn’t stand it.

I pushed away from him, and then I broke into a run across the sand to the steps of the seawall.

I climbed them without ever looking back.

But I didn’t have to.

This time, he didn’t chase me.

It turned out, Alice and Babette were waiting for me up at the top of the stairs.

They came at me like I was a wild animal they needed to trap.

“What are you doing?” Babette demanded, looking almost angry.

But I shook my head. “I can’t.”

“Didn’t you hear him?” Alice demanded as the two of them followed close behind me. “He didn’t leave you. He stayed.”

“What—were you eavesdropping?”

“We were just waiting for you!” Babette said.

“So you heard that whole thing?”

“Yes, and you’re an idiot,” Alice said.

“Okay,” I said, turning to march away along the seawall. “We really don’t have to call each other names.”

But Alice wasn’t going to let me distract her. She followed. “You chickened out!”

“I didn’t chicken out! It was self-preservation!”

“The thing you want—the person you want—was right there for the taking, and you just walked away.”

Now I could feel my throat thickening. My face got wet with tears I didn’t condone. They just made me angrier. “It’s too much, okay? Hasn’t anything ever been too much for you?”

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