Page 134 of What You Wish For

But not all that surprising. It’s not usually in the middle of the stress that the seizures come. It’s usually right after. Just when you start to relax.

I pushed back from Duncan.

“You okay?”

I nodded, but then I shook my head. “I think I might be about to have a seizure.”

He frowned. “Oh.”

“And I’d rather not do that with you here. Like, I’d really, really rather not.”

“You need me to go?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“I’d actually kind of like to stay.”

I shook my head. “Can’t happen.”

“I’d really like to be here for you,” Duncan said.

“That’s a nope.”

“Why not?”

I didn’t know what to say. “It’s… private.”

“Having a seizure is private?”

“Yeah.”

“If you don’t control when they happen, how can it be private?”

“It’s privateif at all possible.”

Duncan frowned.

“I’m just going to lie down after you go,” I said. “Stay in bed. No big deal.”

It was clear that he thought it was a big deal. “I feel like you shouldn’t be alone.”

“I’m always alone,” I said, before I realized how sad that sounded.

I didn’t know how to explain why I was kicking him out. “The thing is,” I said, taking a breath, “it’s not pretty when these seizures happen. It’s me at my absolute worst. And I just can’t bear the idea of you seeing that.”

Duncan nodded.

Then he did something I was not expecting. He lifted up his shirt to show me the scars on his side—pink and purple and mottled as ever, and so much more heartbreaking now that I knew how they’d happened. “You saw these before, right?” he asked.

I nodded.

“This ismeat my absolute worst. And I wish you’d never seen it. But you did. On a night when you looked after me. And Chuck Norris. And apparently rescued my dying succulents.”

I gave a little smile.

“You were there for me, is what I’m saying. I want to be there for you.”

“That’s sweet, but no.”

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