Page 99 of Happiness for Beginners

Three weeks is not that long in the big picture. But humans are never that great at the big picture, and after three weeks of never going faster than a walking pace, riding on that bus at forty miles an hour felt like a roller coaster. Weoohedandahhedover every hill and around every curve. Some folks literally put their arms up. It was thrilling and terrifying and awful.

When we’d gotten on, I took a seat behind the Sisters, who would spend the entire hour-long ride back to the lodge talking about who they’d nominated for Certificates and who they thought everybody else had voted for. Windy sat next to me, and when she heard Dosie say, “I think Hugh should get a posthumous Certificate,” she rolled her eyes.

“You know that means ‘dead,’ right?” Windy said.

“Oh,” Dosie said, never embarrassed to be wrong. “What is it when you get an award for something you didn’t do?”

“Honorary,” I called up.

“Okay.” She nodded. “One of those for Hugh.”

As for the other two Certificates, Uno and Dosie were divided. Jake was a shoo-in, but Uno wanted the second to go to Caveman, who had kissed her during the summer solstice party.

“First,” Dosie said, “he was cheating on his girlfriend when he gave you that kiss. Second, kissing is not a wilderness skill.”

“But it was a really great kiss,” Uno said.

“No,” Dosie declared. “It should go to a girl.” She looked around the bus at the candidates, then turned toward Windy and me. “I nominate Holdup,” she said. “For trying the hardest.” Then her eyes jumped to Windy. “And HB for being the prettiest.”

Never mind that her math was all wrong and her criteria were bananas. I wanted one to go to Windy, as well. And she absolutely was the prettiest. As well as the nicest. And the wisest.

“Who are your picks?” Uno said, leaning toward us on her elbows.

“I pick Jake,” I said, “for being an awesome EMT, and for wearing that goofy Gilligan hat the whole time.”

Windy raised her hand. “Second that.”

“I pick Windy. For working hard, believing in people, being a great listener, managing to be both gorgeous and really, really nice, and for keeping elegance alive on the trail by tying her hair into that fantastic chignon.”

With that, Windy leaned in and gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek, saying, “Thanks, friend.”

Dosie nodded. “Then Hugh, right? Posthumously?”

I shook my head. “I’m not sure Hugh should get an honorary Certificate,” I said. “He knew he wasn’t supposed to step on those logs.”

Uno and Dosie turned to each other, delighted, like,Oh, snap!Then Dosie made her fingers into cat claws and made a mean meow.

“I like Hugh,” I said. “I hope he’s doing great—but I don’t think he should get a pity Certificate.”

“Who, then?” Dosie asked.

I hesitated. I couldn’t nominate myself. Maybe Flash and I could nominate each other.

Windy didn’t hesitate, though. “You,” she said, poking me with a gun finger.

“She can’t nominate herself!”

“I’m nominating her,” Windy said. “She saved Hugh! She’s a map-reading ninja! She always took notes during Beckett’s lectures.”

“Thank you,” I said to Windy.

“You’re a shoo-in, Holdup,” Windy said.

***

Back at the lodge, I took the longest shower of my life—but only after peeling off the clothes I’d been wearing for weeks and throwing them in the trash.

The lodge was prepared. I guess they’d seen large busloads of filthy people drive up pretty often, because there were plenty of showers and endless hot water. I felt a little guilty wasting water but then I decided the twenty showers I’d just skipped in a row had earned me a few extra minutes. Or thirty.

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