Page 124 of Happiness for Beginners

Then she pulled back. “I am so sorry that Dave was such a dick to you in high school.”

I squinted at her. It had actually felt like much more of a betrayal from her. I guess in some ways you expect more of a girlfriend than a boyfriend. “He wasn’t the only one.”

“We still feel terrible about it.” The “we” seemed a little passive-aggressive. “We’d love to take you to lunch and apologize properly.”

I put my hands out in astopmotion. I could not think of anything in the universe I’d want to do less than spend an entire lunch listening to Dave and Darcy apologize. “No need.”

She leaned in. “I can’t believe he took back your corsage. I didn’t even know about that until later.”

“The corsage really was the least of it, actually.”

“Of course, I played a role, too,” Darcy added.

Suddenly, Duncan jumped in. “An X-rated role, if the rumors are true.” Then he wiggled his eyebrows at Dave. “Am I right, buddy?”

There it was. I loved him.

Darcy stood up straighter. “And who is this?”

“This is my little brother, Duncan.”

Darcy squinted like she was peering back into the mists of her memory. “The little brother who used to light your tampons on fire?”

“Oh, God,” Duncan said, leaning his head back at the memory. “That was awesome.”

“Yes,” I answered, ignoring him. “But he turned out to be—” I looked for the word.

“Excellenté,”Duncan offered.

“That’s right,” I said, meeting his eyes and giving him a nod.

Another pause, and we tried to fill it by glancing around at the room. It was, indeed, entirely filled with seventh graders. And the elderly. I couldn’t help but notice how both groups looked as if they’d been zipped into their bodies like Halloween costumes. But it was sweet, too, how carefully they’d all dressed in suits and dresses. The boys had clip-ons, and some of the girls even had patent-leather Mary Janes. I felt so sorry for them. I wouldn’t be thirteen again for a kingdom. The dance floor was like a pulsing black hole. The disco ball spun above nothing and the string lights flashed around emptiness. Kids on one side, old people on the other. There was no getting around it. It was Titanically bad.

Then an idea hit me. “Darcy,” I said, without really thinking it through. “You’re a great dancer. Maybe you could motivate them.”

She shook her head. “No, no. I’m the mom. Do you know how embarrassing moms are? If I tried to do that, it would literally kill my child. He would expire from humiliation.”

Hadn’t thought about that.

But Darcy was eyeing me now, like my idea had sparked a better idea.

“What?” I said.

“You are also a great dancer,” she said, her grim expression lifting on a wave of new hope.

“Oh, no—”

“They have no idea who you are!” Her eyebrows were up now. Her eyes were bright.

“No, no—”

“You’re young!”

“I’m three months older than you.”

“But youseemyoung! You haven’t been aged by breastfeeding and carpools! You’ve got that crazy hairdo. You could totally pass for a cool person!”

Duncan leaned in. “Sheisactually a cool person.”

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