Page 107 of Happiness for Beginners

She looked at me over her glasses. “He’s hardly a teenager.”

She had me there. “He’s ten years younger than I am.”

“I was ten years younger than Grandpa,” she said, “and we had a great time.”

“That’s different,” I said. “He was a man.”

Now she raised an eyebrow. Just one. “Don’t be such a church lady. You know that doesn’t matter.”

I did know it didn’t matter. I’d known that all along. I bent my head, squeezed my tired eyes closed, and rubbed them.

GiGi watched me. “Are we going to talk about something real, or are we going to keep making excuses? Because I could be watchingThe Golden Girlsright now.”

“Fine,” I said, squaring off. “I fell in love with him. I fell stupidly in love with him.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere,” GiGi said, leaning back in her chair.

That would have been a good moment to stop. But I went the other way. After weeks of holding it in, at last, I let it all out. “I fell in love with his hair, and his beard, and the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles, and his goofy Hawaiian shirts, and his can-do attitude, and the way he applies Band-Aids. I fell in love with the way he’s read every book in the world. How he listens when you talk and remembers what you say. How he knows every fact in existence about the ocean and the creatures that live in it. I fell in love with his forearms, and his calf muscles, and the way his front two teeth are just a little longer than the others. And the dimples. And the way he sings. And the way he watches me, and pays attention in a way that guys never, ever do and seems to get something essential about me that I don’t even get myself.” When I paused, I was a little breathless. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

GiGi gave me a contented smile. “Wonderful.”

I gave a sharp sigh. “Not wonderful.”

“How the hell did he finally make that happen, anyway?”

“Actually, he kissed me.”

“He kissed you?”

“Yes. We had a bet. And I lost. And so he kissed me.”

“I bet he’s a terrific kisser.”

“He is.”

GiGi watched me as I thought about it.

“Anyway,” I said. “Then we were interrupted. By Mike.”

“Mike who?” GiGi said.

“Mike, my ex-husband.”

She squinted like she’d forgotten him. “Oh. Him.”

“He was having a bad night.”

“I didn’t know you were still in touch.”

“I wasn’t,” I said. “Until then. Once the mood was broken, Jake said we should stop. Then I got mad at him—and so I told him not to talk to me anymore and I tried to ignore him for the rest of the trip.”

GiGi nodded like that was all very reasonable. “And were you able to?”

I sighed. “Yes. Sort of. Not really. And then he kissed me again.”

“Interesting.”

“But really, right from the beginning, the damage was done.”

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