Page 94 of Happiness for Beginners

“I know you’re working hard to be happy these days. I don’t want to make you sad.”

He had made me sad. But I shrugged. “I don’t think trying to be happy means you can never be sad,” I said. “Right?”

Jake agreed with a nod. “Right.”

“It’s sadness that gives happiness its meaning.”

“That sounds pretty wise.”

“Doesn’t it? I think I learned it from Windy.”

“No. That one’s all you.”

“Anyway,” I said, keeping my voice low. “It was a privilege to help you out. And break your glasses.”

“Three cheers for duct tape.”

“I want you to know, I am very sorry about your eyes,” I said.

“Yeah,” he said. His voice was very quiet, then. “I think mostly I just don’t want to be alone.”

“You couldn’t be,” I said. “Don’t you see how people follow you around?”

“But I won’t be myself.”

“You will be,” I said.

I wanted to say,Maybe it won’t be so bad. Maybe you’ll be more than yourself, somehow. If anybody can find something good in all this, it’s you.But I didn’t know how to say any of that without sounding flip. Or ignorant. Or Pollyanna-ish. Instead, after a bit, I said, “So you faked your medical forms, huh?”

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“Partly because I’d always wanted to come out here and do this, and I wasn’t going to let my eyes stop me. Partly because it was easy. And partly because you signed up.”

“Me?”

“Yeah.”

“You came because of me?”

“Not entirely. But, yes.”

“Why?”

“Because it seemed not just possible, butlikely,that you’d get yourself killed out here.”

“And you thought you could save me?”

“No, probably not. I just didn’t want you to die alone.”

I took that in.

“Duncan thought about coming, too,” Jake pointed out. “You know, like, as my wingman.”

“But?”

“But he’s totally out of shape. Besides, there would have been nobody to watch Pickle.”

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