Page 87 of How to Walk Away

“Thank you for not letting me fall.”

“We’re not out yet.”

“Thank you for being so nice to me today.”

But Ian didn’t have a reply to that, and once again, he got quiet.

Nineteen

ONE NIGHT, Ahospital volunteer showed up just after Kitty arrived with Moroccan lamb tagine. She was perky and big-eyed, and she carried a little clipboard. She was recruiting volunteers for a crafts fair that week in the children’s wing, and I was just drawing breath to shoo her out when Kitty said, “What kind of crafts?”

“Oh, everything,” the volunteer said. “Rock painting, finger knitting, friendship bracelets, balloon rockets, beeswax sculpting, sand candles. Also: anything with googly eyes.”

Kitty looked at me. “They are having a lot more fun in the children’s wing than we are.”

“Would you like to sign up?” the volunteer asked.

“Yes,” Kitty said loudly, just as I said, “No.”

The volunteer looked at Kitty. “Great.”

“Can we sign up for knitting?” Kitty asked. “My sister is knitting a slug.”

“Ooo, bring it!” the volunteer said. “The kids will love it.”

Kitty wiggled her eyebrows at me. “Maybe we can steal some googly eyes.”

After the volunteer left, I said, “I’m not going.”

“Yes you are. You just signed up.”

“Youjust signed up.”

“What else do you have to do?”

“Stop trying to cheer me up. You know it makes me feel worse.”

“You feel worse, anyway.”

“Yeah. But you make me feel guilty about it.”

“Look, I just saw a very inspiring quote on Instagram that said, ‘Our struggles lead us to our strengths.’”

“Say the word ‘Instagram’ one more time and I will burn this building down.”

“Fine, but every single article in the entire world says you need to learn to appreciate what you have and not dwell on what you don’t.”

“Are youkiddingme right now?”

She hesitated. “Okay, that sounded a little flip.”

I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. “It’s been four weeks!! Four weeks since I lost everything I cared about. Can I get five minutes to adjust?”

“Yes! Of course! And in the meantime, let’s go teach a bunch of hospitalized children how to knit a slug.”

“Dammit, stop trying to fix me!”

Ian showed up in the doorway then, but that didn’t slow us down. Kitty flung her arm in his direction. “Ian gets to try to fix you!”

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