Page 40 of How to Walk Away

“But sexy.”

My sister, the nose-ringed hairstylist. “Can you fix my hair?” I asked.

“Of course. I’ll give you an adorable little pixie. It’ll be cuter than what you had before.”

It wouldn’t, of course. But I was too tired to argue.

“Remember that time,” Kitty said, “I cut that girl’s hair at summer camp and made her cry?”

“That was actually a really cute little bob.”

“I took like ten inches off, though.”

I remembered. “She called her parents to come and take her home.”

“I should send her a gift certificate. Now, I can make anybody look good.” She nudged me. “Even you.”

I knew she meant it as a joke. But I closed my eyes.

“I was kidding,” she said, when I got quiet.

I said, “Mom can’t even look at me.”

“That’s not about you. That’s about her.”

“Myfaceis burned.”

Kitty made apshawsound. “It’s a sunburn. It looks exactly like a sunburn. Except for the blisters. Not a big deal. I’ll show you tomorrow.”

It was strange to listen to our conversation. It was like I was eavesdropping on it somehow. In one way, we sounded very much like we always did—the back-and-forth, the teasing. We’d only ever had one way of talking to each other, and it was playful and jokey. That way of talking didn’t fit the situation now, but it was all we knew how to do.So we did it. But it was in a minor key, just a muffled, gray version of itself.

Of course, that’s how everything I said or did or thought felt now. Flat, and colorless, and altered.

“Kitty?” I asked, after a bit.

“What?”

“Stay here tonight, okay? I don’t want to be alone.”

“I am staying here.”

“No, I mean right here. In the bed.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t want to have any more nightmares,” I said.

“I’ll keep an eye on you.”

“Thanks.”

We let ourselves get quiet and start to settle, but then I had to say one last thing. “You can’t be drinking here, by the way. I’m making that rule.”

“Drinking?” she asked.

“’Cause you get crazy when you drink, and I just can’t take any more drama—”

“I haven’t had a drink in three years,” Kit said. “Dad sent me to rehab.”

---