Page 131 of How to Walk Away

“Well,” Kit said, in her determined voice, “you have to come anyway. You have to crash.”

“Hell, no,” I said, just as my mom said, “We’re boycotting, like decent people.”

“Listen,” Kit said. “They invited Dad, too. Evelyn called him, since she knew he was ‘on sabbatical.’”

“I hope he is boycotting, too.”

“No,” Kit said. “He’s going.”

My mom frowned. “Why would he go? He doesn’t even like to travel.”

“He’s going,” Kit announced, “because I talked him into it.”

“Kit—”

“And I talked him into it because we’re going toParent Traphim.”

My mother frowned, totally uncomprehending.

“We won’t tell him you’re coming,” Kit went on, “and you’ll show up lookingdevastating—and the shock of it will catapult him into your arms.”

“There may be some logic flaws here,” my mother said.

“He talks about you all the time,” Kit insisted. “He misses you all the time. I think it’s pride keeping him away. I think we need to give him a reason to get past it.”

“You want tosurprisehim into forgiving me?” my mother asked.

“Shock and awe,” I said, nodding. For a terrible idea, it wasn’t too bad.

“Exactly,” Kit said.

I shrugged. “It might be just dumb enough to work.”

But my mom was shaking her head. “No. I can’t.”

“Yes! You can!” Kit said.

“It’s too much,” my mom said, and she suddenly looked remarkably old to me. Smaller, too. She’d always been so forceful—so certain and bulldozer-like about her choices. It was strange to see her hesitating and uncertain like this. It was disarming to see her hang back and hesitate. The little frown lines between her brows seemed deeper. As disorienting as it was to see her this way—so timid—I have to confess, it humanized her, too. It made me feel almost protective.

“Mags and I will help you,” Kit offered then. “We’ll go with you. We’ll make it work.”

My mother lowered her voice, like I might not hear. “I can’t ask Margaret to do that.”

“Hello?”I said. “I wasn’t invited.”

“Skip the wedding, then,” Kit said, like,Duh, “but come to Belgium. Easy.”

But would it be easy? Traveling so far might not be easy. Leaving the safe nest I’d built this year might not be easy. Facing a thousand unknowns had definite potential to not be easy. And flying again—something I’d just assumed I’d never do—would be the exact opposite of easy.

But Kit was ready to make this happen. “Family trip to Belgium! End of discussion!” Kit said. “I’ll organize everything. Hit the mall and find something heartbreaking to wear.”

My mom squinted at me, like,Is this a good idea?

I gave her a nod, like,Hell, yes.

Wasit a good idea? I didn’t know. It actually seemed pretty risky—for everybody. I had just barely let go of my suicide calendar, after all. I hardly even had my head above water, and it wouldn’t take much to wash me back under. Could I do this?

I suddenly thought maybe I could.

---