Page 101 of How to Walk Away

“You didn’t do anything.Ikissedyou.”

“I shouldn’t have kissed you back.”

“Because,” I guessed, “messing around with patients is against your code of ethics?”

Ian was pacing a little bit now.

I tried again. “Because if Myles ever finds out, you’ll lose your job?”

“If Myles ever finds out, I’ll lose mylicense,” Ian said. “But that’s not it.”

“What, then?”

“It wasn’t fair to you.”

There was nothing I wanted more than to be back in his arms. “I think it was fair. I think it was very fair.”

Ian shoved his hand into his hair. “You’re not qualified to judge.”

“I’m notwhat?”

He turned to look at me for the first time. The overhead light seemed awfully bright. “You’re not in a fit state to judge.”

“You’re saying I don’t know the difference between what’s fair and what’s unfair?”

“I’m saying—”

“Because my fiancécrashing a plane that I didn’t even want to go anywhere near and paralyzing me while he walks away without even a Band-Aid? Obviously:unfair. You coming here and playing ‘Happy Birthday’ onthe ukulele and giving me the best kiss of my entire life? I’m going withfairon that one.”

“That’s just it. It wasn’t the best kiss of your entire life.”

I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. “It wasn’t?”

“You just thought it was.”

“Pretty sure that’s the same thing.”

But he shook his head. “When a person goes through something like what you’ve just gone through, when your whole world is ripped apart, it takes a long time before you can see things clearly again. Months. Years, even. The trauma leaves you vulnerable in ways you can’t even feel. I know all about this. I’ve been trained on it—read textbooks, taken tests. It’s against my code of ethics for a reason, Margaret—a good reason. To protect you.”

I was Margaret now? I noticed tears on my face, but I had no patience for them. I smeared them off with my sleeve. “I don’t care about any of that.”

“But I have to. For your sake.”

“But you—” A big, shaky breath interrupted me. I hesitated to go on, because it felt like a big thing to admit. But I had to try. I had to at least speak honestly. I took another breath, and said it: “You are the only thing I look forward to all day long.”

He closed his eyes in what looked like a wince. Not the effect I’d hoped for. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to tell you,” he said.

“I don’t understand.”

“The things you feel about me mean that you are not safe. I shouldn’t have come here. I knew there was a risk this might happen.”

So he knew I liked him before he came. I pulled in a ragged breath. “Don’t you like me at all?”

Ian shoved his hand into his hair again. Then he walked to the bedroom door, turning those navy-blue eyes to settle them right on me. “I hate everybody,” he said. “Except you.” He pulled the door open to leave, then added, “And that’s another reason you’re not safe.”

“Are you leaving?” I asked. He was clearly leaving the room. But I meant, “Are you going back to town?”

“No. Of course not. I’ll stay the night to look after you.”

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