Page 140 of How to Walk Away

“Come uninvited and sit there like a goblin staring at everybody. It’s creepy.”

Was that what I was doing? “Did you just call mea goblin?”

“Just what are you trying to achieve?”

“I still can’t get past the word ‘goblin.’”

“Chip is moving on, and you should do the same.”

“I agree.”

“But you still had to come here? You still have to make this day, of all days, weird for him?”

I hadn’t come here to make anything weird for anybody. But anger is contagious, I guess. Now, I couldn’t resist. “Chip has made every day of the rest of my life weird for me, so maybe we’re even. Except we’ll never really be even. Unless I paralyze him back.”

Evelyn’s eyelids stretched a bit in surprise, like she suddenly feared that might be why I’d come here: to paralyze the groom. “That’s not funny,” she said.

I looked at her, like,Come on. “It’s a little funny.”

“It’s time for you to go.”

Sometimes you have no choice but to fail. But now was not one of those times. I hadn’t gone through all this just to give up at the end. I had a mother to rescue.

“I’m not leaving,” I said.

But Evelyn leveled adon’t you darelook at me. “You’re leaving,” she said. “Now.” She snapped at the boat crew to come over and deal with me.

Was that how this night was going to end? Me being tossed back onto the dock by an elderly team of Flemish boatmen? I thought about why I was here. I thought about who I wanted to be, and I decided that I wanted to be stronger for my struggles. Wiser, too, if I could. I wanted to be someone who made things better, not worse.

“I’m sorry I cursed at you,” I said to her then.

Evelyn blinked. “What?”

“Back at the hospital. Last year. I used some language that upset you.”

Evelyn pursed her lips at the memory. Her expression didn’t exactly soften, but I could tell I’d surprised her.

“I was hurting, a lot,” I said, “and I lashed out. I guess I thought if other people hurt, too, I might hurt less. But it didn’t make me feel better to hurt you. It made me feel worse. I regret it, and I want you know I’m sorry. I should have been kinder.”

Now she blinked some more.

When the crewman she’d snapped at made it over to us, he did not look like he was there to do her bidding. Instead, he looked like he wanted her to sit down. He started insisting that Evelyn take her seat, gesturing at the line behind her.

The usual Evelyn wouldn’t have stood for it.

But it was like I’d taken the wind out of her self-righteousness. Or maybe I’d just shown her that I came in peace. Whatever it was, she didn’t fight them. Instead, she went all docile and let them lead her to her spot.

***

THE REST OFthe wedding party filled the remaining rows, leaving only the two prime center seats—directly across from me—open for Chip and the Whiner, the guests of honor.

Whatever lagniappe of peace had come from my moment with Evelyn, it disappeared at the sight of them cresting the bridge and then descending the steps so glamorously they could have been in slo-mo.

I looked around to check where the boat driver had stashed my chair. As if I might use it to roll away before they could spot me.

Of course, there was no rolling away. Staying right here, trapped in a seat directly across from the two reserved for the bride and groom, was apparently my only option.

I didn’t know what to do with my hands—clasped? loose?—or where to turn my head. Should I gaze out at the swans and pretend I didn’t notice them? Or maybe I should bend my face into a pleasant smile and look right at them on arrival, like,Oh, hello! I didn’t see you there.

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