Page 29 of All the Beautiful Things

Somehow, understanding all of it… his promise to a dad and a sister he loved so much. There was loyalty there, and it was beautiful, despite the shattered mess it’d also created. And yet, knowing all of it, having the fuller picture… my anger dissipated, felt more like a morning mist than the suffocating cloud it’d been.

“I don’t know what to say,” I admitted. It was all so much. The last week, Sunday, today.

“I want you to know that everything that happened between us was real. I fought it. I tried to anyway, at first. But I swear to you, nothing,nothing… that happened between us was not one hundred percent real. At least not on my end.”

He gave me a pleading look, like he needed me to admit the same.

I nodded once but couldn’t answer. There were no words to put into how I felt about this tortured man in front of me, so beautiful inside and out. So loyal to those he loved.

“Thank you,” I finally said. The expression on his face, the disappointment that sliced across his features was too painful to look at. I gazed out my window.

I’d hoped with him coming here, I could find a way to forgive him, but now I was the one holding secrets in my fist. If I did anything now, I was no better than him.

“Can I ask,” he said and then stopped, seeming to think better of himself before he forged on. “Can I ask what happens now? With us? Can you forgive me for lying to you?”

It was like he knew the one thing to say to make me sick to my stomach. I shouldn’t have been surprised. Hudson had always been so good at reading my mind.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I think I need more time.”

Sunday. David promised me Sunday. Two days to wait until I would learn if Hudson would turn and throw my hypocrisy in my face.

“Then I will give you all the time you need.”

10

Lilly

Istepped out of the back seat of the Uber I ordered to bring me to David’s house with a hornet’s nest growing in my stomach. So much rode on today.

Today, I could lose everything all over again.

A shiver rolled through me despite the sun shining with the brisk late fall air and being bundled in my winter coat and gloves. No one else was here yet, something I had planned so I could be settled before seeing Hudson, Brandon, and Jenna again.

I was halfway up the walkway to David’s front door when it opened, and David himself stood in the doorway. Dressed in khaki pants and a cream-colored sweater with a pale blue collar sticking out from the neckline, he looked as if he could be going to work and not telling his family he was sick. My heart instantly squeezed at the sight of him, the soft smile on his face waiting for me.

“How are you?” I asked, reaching him and already unbuttoning my coat.

“Well, all things considered. I’m glad you’re here.”

I removed my coat. He took it from me, hanging it in the coat closet without bothering to offer. “I said I would.”

We faced each other awkwardly. The first time I came here, he shook my hand. The second time, he hugged me. Now, there was a gulf between us even if I was trying. He looked like even he wasn’t certain what to do with me now. “Hudson said you two talked the other night.”

“We did. I should thank you, for what you’ve done for me. I don’t know if I’ve really done that yet.” It hadn’t hit me until after Hudson left the other night. Everything they gave — their time, their attention, and perhaps most of all, their love for Melissa, had irrevocably changed, and saved, my life.

Under all the anger I still felt, there was a growing warmth blanketing me. They never once had to do anything for me. They could have gone on their merry way, forgotten about the girl in prison, mourned Melissa, and moved on. But they hadn’t just helped me. They’d invested in me. And for that, I could no longer quite find it in me to remain pissed.

The hurt was still there. Was I willing to fully trust their honesty in the future? That would take longer.

David’s lips curled at the edges, as if he knew what the admission meant for me. “It was my pleasure to do so.”

I had no doubt it was.

“Well, regardless. Thank you.” I blinked and moved toward the kitchen. Anything to put distance between us and the emotional upheaval.

Uncertainty tethered me at a distance.

While I twisted off the top of a bottled water, David went to the small bar in the kitchen and poured himself a glass of liquor, whiskey I assumed, maybe bourbon based on the coloring. The scent of it reminded me of what my dad used to drink on nights when Josh would usher me out of the living room when I was a little girl.

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