Page 92 of His to Cherish

Chapter 19

When the final bell rang, and the sounds of footsteps and escalated voices signaling students were excited for the weekend dulled and quiet reigned inside the library, I found myself both frantic to leave and wishing I could stay within the confines of my safe haven.

Aidan was waiting for me outside.

I knew he was with the certainty that I knew, around him, I was weak. I knew because the intensity in his eyes that I hadn’t been able to erase from my mind guaranteed we were going to have the conversation he wanted to have, whether I wanted it or not.

I was going to have to stay strong. To do the right thing despite wanting to throw my arms around him and pretend we could have a relationship. We couldn’t. There was no way he was ready, and I didn’t blame him, but in reality, he needed a friend more than he needed any further emotional entanglements.

And while my body still remembered his touch, I was not a crutch, nor did I want to become one. I was worth more than that. I deserved to be loved as I loved him.

Despite knowing it was the right thing, there was also still a fear in me that said when he listened to what I had to say, regardless of his reasons and excuses, he would realize that I wasn’t worth the time or the effort.

That once he became accustomed to the quiet in his house, the existence he had to find without his son, that he’d deem it unnecessary to be linked to me.

And that hurt most of all.

But while I was not a crutch, I was also not a coward, even though I wished in this moment I could be. That I could hide beneath my library desk, waiting for dusk to fall and for Aidan to become bored or angry that I’d ditched him.

However, that wasn’t me.

With slow footsteps, I exited the school, slinging my messenger bag over one shoulder. My purse was held in my right hand, my keys in my left just in case all I was certain of proved me the fool again.

My heels clicked on the pavement and I took a brief moment to tilt my head back and warm my clammy skin with the heat from the sun in the cloudless sky before continuing down the walkway that would take me to the teachers’ parking lot.

His black truck was pulled up directly next to my small Nissan. I smirked, and shook my head when I saw it, unable to hide my reaction to the idea that he was so nervous I would follow my earlier thoughts and run from him that he felt the need to park directly next to my car…so close that I couldn’t open my door without him first moving the truck.

I fought the tug of a grin that wanted to form.

Aidan stood next to the driver’s side of his truck, hip resting on the door, one arm slung over his side-view mirror. His sunglasses covered his eyes, blanking out any expression I could hope to find in his vibrant green eyes.

“You came,” he said as I met him several feet away. It was three feet too far and too close at the same time.

I hated my innate reaction to him. The one that made me want to lean into his embrace and purr, allowing his physical strength to wash away my fears.

My eyes flickered to my car. “Not that I can flee.”

His face stayed fixed on mine and I assumed his eyes did as well. “This is too important to give you the chance.” He nodded toward the fields behind the school. “Walk with me?”

“Sure.”

He paused long enough for me to unlock my car and throw my purse and bag into my trunk, and then with his hands stuffed into his pockets, he walked next to me, silent, until we were at the football field behind the school.

Baseball practice was going on next to the football fields and I could hear the constant clatter of metal bats hitting balls, and the shouts of coaches encouraging players.

On the football field and the surrounding running track, the same shouts were occurring but louder, as the track coaches and runners prepared for a meet they had the next day.

As I followed Aidan up the stands of the football field, I could only think about what we were doing, and why he was bringing me here.

Once we were settled in the top row, I wrapped my arms around my stomach and tucked my hands into my sides.

“Cold?”

“No.” Nervous. Scared. Protecting myself. I was all of those things, but with the sunshine warming my skin, I was anything but cold.

I watched a group of boys practice baton handoffs for a four-by-one-hundred-meter relay while the thick silence between us grew even more strained.

While I waited for him to speak first, I could feel his eyes on me, watching me watch the kids, and I knew I had a soft smile on my face, because I adored these kids. Kids who thought they were older than they were, but were too young to be adults. I watched them struggle to find themselves every day, to resist peer pressure, to deal with the schoolwork that became harder and more stressful.

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