Page 98 of Grace on the Rocks

SuddenlyGracelost her appetite and lowered what was left of her stew.

“No one noticed but me.Itried to sc— to sc—Itried to call for help.Couldn’tget the words out.Thelifeguard thoughtIwas just overexcited.Ihad to s-stomp and jump and p-point until finally they noticed him.”

“God,Bryan.Thatwasn’t your fault.”

“My cousin almost drowned that day, ’cause the one person who could help him couldn’t fucking get the words out.Thatis my sh-shame.”

Grace’s heart ached—for the little boy he had been and the burdened man he’d become.

“He’s terrified of the water now,” he added softly. “It’swhy he’s never left the island.Whyhe never visited me.”

“Why you couldn’t ask him to go with me andWes.Asidefrom it being a terrible idea in general.”

He nodded.

“I’m sorry for not listening.”

“How can you listen to whatIdon’t s-s-say?” he whispered, beating himself up to let her off the hook, though neither of them deserved it.

Someone onTVscored, but they weren’t paying attention anymore.Theair in the room felt electric.

Bryan was hurting, under some kind of guilt about their escapade to the castle.Maybehe still thought she hadn’t listened because he hadn’t warned her loudly enough or clearly enough, rather than just because she was stubborn and angry and thought she knew better.

Shehad done that to him, hurt him in the worst possible way.

Disappointed yelling from the crowd onTVseemed to underscore her fuck up.

She couldn’t let the same trauma happen again, here and now.Gracehad to say not justsomethingbut therightthing. “Ican’t have an orgasm,” she blurted out.Notexactly the apology she was going for.

“Fuck, do you not have a clitoris?” he asked, so taken aback by her announcement he didn’t seem to register the random shift in conversation. “Christ, that was inappropriate.Apologies,” he added, turning three shades of red to match her own blush.

So they were going to do this.Ashame for a shame.

She took a breath, the beef stew curdling in her belly, threatening to come back up.Aftersetting the bowl down on the coffee table and pushing it as far away as possible so she wouldn’t have to smell it, she took another steadying breath. “Ihave all my parts,” she said, focusing on the game whereDiego’skeeper batted away a header off a corner kick. “Theyjust don’t work right.”

That proclamation was met with uncomfortable silence.

“My doctor says it’s all part of being a woman, butIdon’t know,” she added quietly. “Sex—” she tried to say, and it came out an inaudible whisper, so she said it again, and this time it came out overly loud. “Sex—”Mygod, how old was she? “It’svery painful.Idon’t get wet.AndIdon’t orgasm.”

“Your doctor is bullshit,” he said emphatically. “Whatkind of lube do you use?”

“What?Itdoesn’t—sorry,Ijust…”

“No, no,Iapologize, it’s none of my business but…”

“It’s—it’s not the lube.It’sme.There’ssomething… off.I’mnot normal down there.”

“Fuck normal.”

She shook her head.Thiswasn’t the reaction she expected, she didn’t need his outrage or his sympathy.Shewas sharing in the interest of fairness.Toheal the rift she kept tearing between them. “Ijust… thought you should know.Ashame for a shame.”

“It’s not…What, never?Ornever with… penetration, you mean?”

“What?No.Never.What?”

“Not with oral?Imean that’s the reason people like it, right?Lessinvasive.”

“Umm.No… no.”

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