Page 84 of The Blood Traitor

“Why would you like to talk about it?” he clarified.

Kiva brushed her hair behind her ear, stalling. She didn’t feel comfortable sharing her true reasoning, her longing for his forgiveness andthe return of his affection. Instead, she said, “I think it’ll be good for us to clear the air.”

A quiet huff of laughter left Jaren.

It wasn’t an amused sound.

“To what end?” he asked.

Kiva’s courage began to trickle away. Perhaps she’d been wrong to start this conversation, thinking it was time without giving thought to whetherhewas ready. She quickly backpedaled, “Maybe we should —”

He spoke over her before she could make an excuse to delay their talk.

“Because the way I see it,” he said, his gaze locked with hers, “I really don’t care what you have to say.”

His statement was delivered in a calm, level voice, but Kiva felt as if she’d been struck, her entire body reeling backwards from the blow.

Noting her reaction, Jaren’s eyes flickered for the briefest of moments, but that didn’t stop him from continuing, “Caldon has already shared your side of the story. I don’t need to hear it again.”

Kiva’s throat was suddenly as dry as the desert around them. “I appreciate him advocating for me, but there are things he doesn’t know. Things I — I’d really like to explain.”

Jaren made an aggravated sound and ran a hand through his hair, frowning toward the water. He then seemed to come to a decision and turned back to her, his eyes no longer emotionless, but ablaze with feeling.

“If you really want to do this, then fine, let’s do this. But I’m going first.” His voice was thick with anger now, his fiery gaze trapping hers. “You lied to me. I won’t be a hypocrite and say I never did the same to you, because we both know I did. But the difference is, I came clean about it. I told you who I was, and from that point on, I told youeverything.I invited you into my life, into myhome.You not only hid who you were, you did it so well that I —” He cursed under his breath and glared downat the sand, before his gaze returned to snare hers. Unflinching now, he declared, “You made me fall in love with a lie. I don’t even know who you are — and frankly, I don’t want to.”

The words rang in Kiva’s ears, a damning, soul-crushing declaration. It was the first time he’d admitted to being in love with her — and it was said with such pain, suchanger,that there was no ignoring how much he resented her for it. How much he resentedhimselffor it. The back of her eyes burned fiercely, but she kept her head high, not wanting him to see how close she was to breaking.

“As far as I’m concerned,” he said, not yet finished shredding her apart, “you’re the person who is going to help me protect my people and save my kingdom. That’s it. I helped you with your magic yesterday because I need you to be able to face your sister. Once that’s done, you and I will never have to see each other again.” He released a breath, as if relieved to finally have all that off his chest, and then asked, “Now, what did you want to tell me?”

Kiva’s lips were numb. Her wholebodywas numb.

You and I will never have to see each other again.

Gods, that didn’t just hurt. Thatdestroyedher. Knowing that was what he wanted, knowing he was just using her for her magic, even knowing that shedeservedit...

Something precious within Kiva withered and died, right there in the middle of the oasis.

She wanted to turn and run from him, to disappear into the date palms and hide from the world, to release the sobs building inside her until the agony eased.

But she didn’t do any of that, because Jaren was waiting, ready to hear the explanation she’d been so determined to give him.

She knew now that there was no point.

He was never going to forgive her.

Because he wanted nothing to do with her.

You and I will never have to see each other again.

The feeling coursing through Kiva was too overpowering, a wound that all the magic in the world would never be able to heal. But somehow, she managed to push it down, repressing her emotions as easily as Jaren seemed able to. It was the only way she could find the will to reply, her voice sounding dead even to her own ears as she answered, “Nothing. You’re right — Caldon probably told you everything you need to know.”

Jaren flinched at her voice, but Kiva knew better than to read into it. He’d made his feelings perfectly clear.

“We should get back to the others,” she said, still in the same tone, staring over his shoulder and so missing the look on his face. “They’ll want to leave soon.”

“Kiva —”

“I’ll see you back at camp,” she said, already turning away. She couldn’t handle the gentling of his voice, knowing she’d only embarrass herself if she stayed. He didn’t owe her his compassion, and the last thing she wanted was him feeling guilted into offering it. He’d told her in no uncertain words what he wanted, and it was time she respected that. Time she quashed the hope she’d dared to believe in.

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