Page 211 of Hot Cops

Jordan sighed loudly. “You sort of have an established pattern in relationships. When things get to be too much, you freak out and try to fuck things up.”

“No, I don’t.”

Jordan reached for a bowl of pretzels. “Of course you do. You’ve done it for years.”

“And you’re only just now finding the time to point this out to me?”

Jordan shrugged. “Honestly, you’ve never dated anyone worth holding on to until Jarod. You’ve been pretty successful at picking out one loser after another.”

“And Jarod’s not a loser?”

Jordan’s look was pure exasperation. Jarod had won her friends over hook, line and sinker over the past month, often hanging out after closing time to help them clean up, bringing by sandwiches on his lunch hour for all of them. He’d gone out of his way to get to know her friends because he knew they were important to her. It was yet another fucking nice thing about him.

“You know Jarod’s not a loser. Not even close.”

Stephanie wanted to throw her friend’s words in her face, deny them. She couldn’t. She’d spent the entire day taking a long hard look at herself, and she hadn’t been happy with what she’d seen. Jordan was right. In the past, Stephanie had chosen to date men she knew she’d never lose her heart to. She’d known from practically the first moment, Jarod was different. He was a threat to her safety because he’d touched her mind, her soul, and now…God help her, her heart. She closed her eyes and willed herself not to cry.

Jordan’s soft voice nearly did her in. “You may as well admit it. You want to be his girlfriend. Hell, I think you already are.”

She opened her eyes and looked at her friend, fully prepared to lie. Instead, she merely nodded.

Jordan gave her a kind, comforting smile, and Stephanie knew she had chosen the right friend to confess to. Jayne, Miss Romance, would have taken her confession as a green light to start planning some fairy-tale fucking wedding, while Sophie would have hooted and hollered and high-fived the place down.

Jordan simply looked at her with complete understanding. “It’s not the end of the world, you know. Dating someone. Making a commitment. There are worse things out there.”

She grinned, the damn tears she didn’t want creeping into her eyes anyway. “I know. I’m just not ready to be someone’s girlfriend.”

“What does that mean?”

Stephanie gestured at the bar. “We’re still working on making the bar a success. We all promised to give this place three years of our undivided attention and commitment.”

“Jarod understands that. He’s been hanging out here over a month, helping you live up to that obligation. He’s not demanding you stop working, stop caring about this bar. That’s a weak excuse to stop seeing him.”

Stephanie nodded. Itwasan excuse. She knew that. Unfortunately the lump in her throat and the ache in her chest wouldn’t abate. She squeezed her eyes closed. She wouldn’t cry. She couldn’t.

“So what happened? It’s obvious you’re upset for a reason. I don’t think these tears are a result of realizing you’ve actually opened yourself up to a real relationship.”

“My mother called today.”

Jordan gave her a quizzical look. “So?”

“So, she launched into her usual ‘you’re wasting your life’ speech and I realized something.”

“What?”

“I’m just like her.”

Jordan shook her head. “Jesus, Steph. You’re nothing like Bev.”

“Maybe not completely, but I’m sure as hell laying the groundwork. Working my ass off in this bar, jumping from one failed relationship to another, closing myself off to love.”

“I’ll give you the first two, but not the last. You don’t close yourself off to love. You’re just more guarded, more protective of your heart. Who could blame you, given Beverly’s constant criticism and shitty role-modeling?”

“What if I can’t go the distance, Jordan? What if I screw up and hurt him? I don’t want to hurt Jarod.”

Her friend gave her a comforting smile. “I don’t have a crystal ball. I can’t look into your future and say everything will turn out hunky-dory. Iwillsay the fact you’re more worried about hurting Jarod than risking a broken heart yourself sort of implies to me that it’s too late. Cupid’s arrow has struck. And here we were, thinking your skin was too thick to pierce.”

Stephanie appreciated Jordan’s attempt at humor. She took a deep breath, fighting back the pain as she recalled Jarod’s sleeping form in her bed this morning. His face had been so peaceful. He’d told her they would make love and they had. He’d given her the most magical night of her life, and like a fool, she’d shoved it back down his throat come dawn. She could only imagine how furious and hurt he’d been when he woke up and found her gone. The fact he hadn’t called her all day sort of confirmed that anger. “I have morning-after issues.”

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