A curl of something heavy gripped my stomach, and I shook my head. “Who Hendrix fucks isn’t my business, Frey. We weren’t as exclusive as I thought when we were together, so it’s not like he ever really abstained from playing the field. This bullshit with him isn’t new to me.” Placing a hand on my belly, I smiled down fondly at it. “And it’s not like I’ve been celibate exactly.”
Her eyes fell on my stomach and sparkled with moisture. “I’m so happy for you. Congratulations, babe. I know how much you wanted this, but all the mess that’s come with it can’t have been easy.” She dipped her chin, her golden eyes holding mine. “Can I check out your injuries?”
I nodded and slowly turned my back on her, slipping the tee over my head.
Cool, soft fingertips gently inspected my bruises, then traveled down my spine, checking everything was intact. “When did this happen?”
“Day before yesterday,” I replied.
“They’re healing fine, and I can’t detect any lasting damage. Did your husband touch you anywhere near the baby?”
“No,” I confirmed. “Toni wanted the baby as much as I did.”
Freya stayed silent while she continued to examine me before giving my arm a squeeze. “All done. You can put your top back on.”
I grabbed the tee from beside me on the bed and pulled it on. “Does everything look okay?”
She smiled. “Yeah. I’m gonna take you down for a scan, but I can’t detect any issues. Hendrix says the baby’s been kicking since it happened, and I assume you’ve had no blood loss?”
I shook my head. “None.”
“Then I think a scan will be a formality,” she murmured. “Though worth it if it puts our minds at rest. Any pregnancy can be precarious in the early stages, but as you get further along, the baby becomes tougher. They’re protected in their mama’s belly, and if your little angel’s anything like his mom, he’ll fight.”
“That’s a nice thing to say,” I whispered. “But I don’t feel like a fighter. I feel stupid.”
Freya’s eyebrows pulled together. “Why?”
My chest tightened. “I keep choosing the wrong men. My first husband was a cheat, then Hendrix was a commitment-phobe player fuck boy, and Antoni was a gangster drug dealer who got violent with me. I’m starting to think I can’t trust myself to make good choices even though, at the time, my intentions are good.”
“You can’t control how others behave,” Freya pointed out. “We all go into relationships hoping for the best, but often it doesn’t work out, and there’s nothing we can do. Sometimes, two people simply aren’t compatible, or perhaps one of you isn’t ready for what the other wants. Nobody gets married with the intention of getting divorced, but still, look how many people do. You shouldn’t have to endure infidelity, abuse, and toxic treatment. The only bad choice you could ever make is to put up with that crap or inadvertently subject your child to it. Leaving an abusive relationship doesn’t make you weak; it makes you strong. As for picking the wrong ones, well, we’ve all been guilty of that at some point, but I also suspect that you picked ones who acted like they could be trusted before showing you they couldn’t. That’s not on you, Anna; it’s on them.”
“I know,” I acquiesced. “But when everything I touch turns to dust, I can’t help wondering if I’m the problem.”
“Take a break from men,” Freya advised. “Relax and stop stressing. You’ve had a hard time of it and there’s a lot for you to come to terms with, especially after last night.”
My body stiffened, and I glanced down at my hands. “What do you know about last night?”
“Most of it, I think,” she admitted. “Colt got back from Philly about a half hour ago and filled me in. He and his partner told PPD he got you out a few days ago, so you weren’t there when the hit went down. As far as they’re concerned, you left and were working with the FBI to give evidence against him, and thank God you did, or you would’ve gotten caught up in the hit. He’s arranging a video call for later. He just needs you to corroborate, and you’ll be clear of it all.”
My belly swooped, and I bit out, “It was awful, Freya. The blood was...”
She inclined her head. “I’ve seen plenty of severed limbs and GSWs, honey. Believe me, I know how shocking it is, but Colt said there was no other way. If they left Antoni alive, they’re convinced he would’ve gone after you, and you would’ve been in a lot of danger. Plus, he knew who Hendrix was, and he saw the faces of two of his men. What this club does is top secret. They couldn’t risk leaving a trail.” Her thumb stroked over mine. “Do you need to speak to somebody? Maybe talking about it will help you to get over it.”
“Maybe, but I think I’d rather try to deal with it first. I’ll be okay as long as I can speak to you and Tristan about it when things get heavy. At the moment, it’s still fresh in my mind, and as much as I understand why it needed to happen, a part of me is still grieving his loss. It wasn’t all bad, Freya. Toni was wonderful at first. When I met him, I was messed up, and he lifted me from that.” Tears filled my eyes.
Freya’s fingers curled around my shoulder, and she pulled me in for a hug. “I’m so sorry.”
I gave her a squeeze and whispered, “Thanks.”
Freya pulled back to look me in the eye. “Let it out. It’s healthy and part of the healing process.” She shot me an excited smile. “I know what will turn your frown upside down. You wanna go see baby?”
I swiped at my eyes. “Yeah, but I’ve got no clothes to wear.”
She nodded toward a pile of packages she’d left by the door. “I hit the stores earlier. Toiletries, underwear, nighties, casual clothes, yoga pants and sweat tops, jeans—maternity, of course—shoes, tops, makeup, and hair products. Enough to last you until you can go to the store or at least shop online.”
I almost moaned in delight. “You’re a lifesaver.”
“No, babe,” she corrected dryly. “I’m a woman. I get it.”