Page 33 of You Started It

“I’m sure there’s more to it. More that you don’t know. Probably more than any one of you knows. Sometimes it takes people a while to figure their shit out.”

“Says the guy with the perfect home life.”

He shrugs. “Maybe on the outside. It’s like my parents have put me in this box, one I had no say in creating, and it’s a nice box, but it’s less nice because I’m being forced to stay inside it. For them. It’s all for them. They don’t really care about the things I love. The things I’m passionate about. They’re so focused on my future. They want me to be something bragworthy.”

“They’re not impressed by your large online following?” I smirk, already knowing the answer.

Axel shakes his head. “When my first TikTok blew up, back when I was with Finn and Diesel, I showed it to my parents. Mom liked it. My dad, not so much. Said if I put that energy into my studies, I’d be further along.”

“Maybe with time you’ll find a balance that you’ll all be okay with. But it is your life, Axel, and ultimately, you should do what makes you happy. Even if I tend to agree with your father about the prospects of a career in the arts.”

He laughs. “Come on. Planet Snoopy is around the corner.”

We arrive at the kids’ section of the park. The entrance is marked by a rainbow over a bridge with pastel-colored cobblestones. The park stays open until Halloween, and they’ve already started to decorate for fall and spooky season, even though it’s only September. But that’s life, right? Always ten steps ahead and never in the moment.

“This would be the perfect place to film a TikTok,” Axel says, arms outstretched under the Planet Snoopy sign. The park is closed off to the public tonight and open only to senior classes from all over the city, which means this part of the park is pretty quiet at the moment. “And there’s a rainbow,” he says, pointing up. “Is this where we have our first kiss?”

“No.” The answer comes out a bit more briskly than I’d intended. I clear my throat, my heart racing. I’ve only ever kissed Ben, and I only ever want to kiss Ben. I can hold Axel’s hand, touch his hair, even “dance” with him, but I am not sharing my lips with his.

“It was just a joke,” he says. “I know this isn’t the rainbow you were talking about, and I also know I’m not Ben.” He places his backpack on the ground and removes his hoodie to reveal a black T-shirt. Axel stretches his arms and then legs before opening his backpack.

“What’s that?” I ask as he pulls out a black rod.

“It’s a Steadicam. I stick my phone inside and you hold it up to film me. Makes the shot…steady.”

Axel sets it up and then shows me what to do. I didn’t realize how much work went into making one of his dance videos.With my mom, I just hold up her phone and press Record. He busts out a portable Bluetooth speaker and props it on the ledge of the bridge.

“Wait. Are you going to do thishere?” I ask as people walk past us.

“Yeah. That’s kind of the point.”

“But aren’t you afraid of people judging you? What if you screw up?”

“That’s what edits are for. Besides, people will judge you no matter what you do.” He smiles and little crinkles form around his eyes. “Plus, it’s a rush. And fun.”

“I guess we have different ideas of what equals fun. I’d sooner die than have to dance in front of an audience.”

Axel strolls over to me. “I think by the end of tonight, your idea of fun will change.”

“To be honest, it already kind of has since meeting you.” I glance up to find Axel’s eyes on mine. The intensity of his stare makes goosebumps break through my skin. He’s usually so goofy, but once in a while this other side of him comes through, and I haven’t quite figured out what to do with it. Backtracking, I laugh and say, “Running over bikes, pretending to make out in cars, cracking jokes about Ben’s terrible hair.”

“And we’re just getting started.” He tips his forehead to mine before sliding his feet backward as if he’s moonwalking. I think that’s the term. I don’t know. I don’t know anything about dancing and yet I somehow got roped into standing on the other side of this rainbow holding a Steadicam and waiting for Axel to perform despite other people existing around us. “Ignore everyone else. Just keep that camera focused on me.”

“How much do I film?”

“Just hit Record and I’ll take care of the rest. A lot gets done in post-production.”

He hits Play on his speaker and gets into place. “Baby” by Justin Bieber begins. Why he’s chosen a slightly immature, retro song is a mystery to me, but I do my job and hold up the phone.

Axel starts dancing like it’s the most natural thing in the world. He has this uncanny ability to move in a fluid motion along to music, as if he can feel it inside him. And it’s not just his body; his facial expressions are almost as big a part of it. God, even when I tap my feet along to the beat of a song, it feels forced. This is a real talent. He puffs out his chest a lot, in this sort of primal yet confident way. It’s definitely cocky. It’s also kind of hot.

A few people continue walking past, and a decent-sized crowd has formed behind me to watch his performance. For some odd reason, I feel proud. His dance makes people smile and encourages them to do their own (sometimes awful) standing-in-place dancing.

As the song comes to an end, Axel lifts his face to the camera, a bit breathy, and smiles widely. He nods for me to turn off the music and stop filming. People clap and begin to swarm around him, building a wall—a wall that I had finally started to let down.

Instead of going to him, like I want to, I gather his things and place them inside his backpack, waiting for his fan club to disperse. I prepare myself for the speech where Axel tells me he’s going to take off with some new friends and leave me behind.

Axel eases his way out of the crowd and comes to where I am, on the other side of the bridge.

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