Page 99 of You Started It

“We didn’t even kiss. I didn’t want to.”

“But he tried?” she asks.

I bite down on my lip before exhaling a breath. “Ben probably believed if we got back together it would somehow erase all the pain he’d caused me and maybe also help him forget about you. But if we had kissed, he would have realized right away that our story is over. It’s been over. I just wish he hadn’t lied to me about what happened between you two at camp.”

Olivia nods. Her eyes meet with mine in a sincere way. “It was a moment of weakness, for both of us, and after it happened, he felt really bad. So did I.”

“Not bad enough to be honest with me about it,” I say.

“I think he thought he was protecting you. And maybe part of him was in denial and ashamed thatheof all people let that happen. I love him, but he can be pretty dense.”

“You love him?” I never really considered if Olivia’s feelings for Ben were real, and that’s probably because I never really considered Olivia’s feelings. Like, at all.

“Unfortunately, yes,” she deadpans. “And for what it’s worth, I’m really sorry I kissed him while he was still your boyfriend. It was wrong. No excuses.”

“I appreciate that. So,” I say, breathing out a sigh, “are you going to the formal alone?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” she says again, looking down at the floor.

“I see no reason why you should. If you love Ben, you should tell him. He was furious when he saw you with Axel. He wouldn’t have acted that way if he stopped caring about you.” She shrugs asa small smile sneaks onto her face. “Wait,” I say. “My uncle told me Axel was going to the formal. If he’s not going with you then who’s he going with?”

“As far as I know, he’s not going with anyone. He’s performing.”

“Performing?”

“Yeah. The social committee asked if he’d kick off the formal by doing a few dances. Do you, like, pay any attention at all to what’s going on outside the classroom?”

I shake my head. “No.”

Olivia laughs and it makes me laugh a bit in return. “Do you want my help?” she asks, her eyes on the dresses hanging in the changeroom behind me.

“Maybe,” I say, sucking in my cheeks.

“Okay. Let me change back into my clothes and we’ll find you something that’ll wow Axel.” She pauses. “That’s what you want, right? To get him back?”

“I don’t know what I want, to be honest.”

“I’ll tell you a secret,” she says, her lips curved upward. “Most of us don’t. We fake it. And half of faking it successfully is looking the part. Speaking of looking the part,” she begins. “Were you and Axel really just fake-dating?”

“At first. But then…”

“You caught feels?” She smiles.

I nod. “I caught feels.”

“Do you love him?” she asks.

I think about her question.

“You don’t have to answer me. Let’s start with finding you a dress, and maybe after some forced time together, you’ll see that I’m really not so bad.”

“Thanks,” I respond, and because I’m nervous and need to say something to fill the silence, I go on. “Did you knowWebster’s Dictionaryhas ten different definitions for ‘bad’ as an adjective,and the tenth includes the slang version? It dates back to the nineteenth century, and no, I don’t mean the 1900s and Michael Jackson’sBadalbum, because first of all the nineteenth century began January 1, 1801, I mean…”

“Jamie.” Olivia cuts me off. “You’re rambling.”

“My bad,” I say. After a moment of silence, we both break into laughter.

“Wait here,” she says. “I’ll be right back. Just going to change.”

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