Page 97 of You Started It

“Nothing,” I say, sitting up. “Nothing at all.”

“I was just asking Jamie what she had planned today. What are the remaining items on your bucket list?”

“Just one item left,” I say, “and it will probably remain unchecked forever.”

“Which one?” Mom asks.

“The CN Tower.”

“Isn’t your formal being held there next weekend?” Eli asks, studying the soggy bowl of cereal in front of me. His face scrunches up in disgust as I ingest another spoonful of it.

“Yep. But I’m not going.”

“You’re not going?” Mom asks. And we’re back to the echoes.

“I know you want me to be independent, and I get that, but I also really don’t want to go to the winter formal alone.”

“That might be for the best,” Eli says, straightening the napkins. “Since Axel will be there.”

“He will?” Axel is in eleventh grade, so the only reason he’d be at the formal is if he were someone else’s date. Probably Olivia’s. Maybe that’s why he was so cold to me at Shawarma Sitty. Why he barely responded when I stood there opening my heart up to him.

And just like that, I’ve lost my appetite. “I’ve got to go,” I say, pushing out my chair and rising.

“Where to?” Mom asks, looking up at me.

“I…I don’t know. Out.” I bring my bowl and glass to the sink.

“Will you be back for dinner?” Mom asks, glancing between me and Eli.

“I think so.”

“Okay good.” She nods.

“Why? Is Dad coming over again?”

“No. But we are having guests.”

“Who?” I ask.Please don’t say it’s Ben and his parents.

Mom swallows before stealing another glance at Eli. He reaches across the table and squeezes her arm. The room is quiet as they continue to exchange glances. “Your grandparents are coming over for dinner.”

“My grandparents, as in, your parents?” I ask, standing frozen by the sink. They both nod. “Since when?”

“Seeing you and your father rebuild your relationship inspired me to reach out. So did Eli’s constant nagging.” She smiles and her eyes crinkle. “I don’t want to pressure you or anything, but I’m sure they’d love it if…”

“I’ll be there. I can’t wait,” I say, hugging my mom, then my uncle. “I’m proud of you two. You’re finally growing up.”

They laugh before taking turns pinching my cheeks.

“Make sure to be back by six,” Mom says.

“Will do.”

If Mom in all her stubborn glory can take the big step of reaching out to her parents after years of silence, then I can cross the finish line on my bucket list by checking off the final item: riding the elevator up the CN Tower at the winter formal.

If I’m going to the formal, I need a dress. A really great dress that will make me feel super confident. Maybe then I won’t care so much about seeing Axel and Olivia there together. And if I focus instead on all the things I need to do in order to get to the formal, I’ll spend less time freaking out about the other big thing I need to do…or ride.

Look at me, practicing mindfulness. Both Mom and Dr. Mueller would be so proud.

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