Page 86 of You Started It

We’re two weeks into November and the winter formal is just over a month away. Every night I promise myself I’ll tell Ben I don’t want to go to the formal with him (or do anything else with him), but selfishly, when the sun rises, I can’t bring myself to do it. Because the truth is, being with Ben is easier than being alone. If I’m alone, I’ll have to face the grief of losing Axel. It’s like I’m stuck inside the same episode of a TV show that keeps repeating itself and the only way out is if I make a decision: commit or go. But I can’t seem to do either. So I just hit Play again at the end of the episode, hoping that the situation will figure itself out.

It doesn’t.

It’s Friday night and I’m heading out to pick Ben up for another date. Dinner and a movie. I’m on the front bench tying my bootswhen the door opens. Eli walks in and leaves the door wide open, clearly not seeing me behind it.

“Come in. She’s not here,” he says.

“Nah. I’m good.”

Axel.

“Just for a minute. I want to show you something,” Eli insists.

I sit frozen on the bench, with one boot on, as Axel steps inside. He closes the door and they both spot me.

“Oh. Jamie. I didn’t think you’d be home,” my uncle says, a little quirk in his lips.

“My car is outside. Where did you think I’d be?” I ask, my eyes darting between his and Axel’s.

“I thought maybe you were on a run or something.” Amo Eli winks at me, then nods his head back at Axel. He seems to think he’s being slick but he’s as smooth as a porcupine’s butt.

“You wanted to show me something?” Axel asks, his voice low. I study his hands, wanting so badly to hold them in mine. His lips. Wanting so badly to press mine up against his. His eyes. Wanting so badly for him to look at me and make me feel like the most important person in his universe one more time. But he doesn’t.

“Ah. Yes. I’ll be right back.” Amo Eli slides off his shoes and heads up the steps to his bedroom. He shuts the door behind him, leaving me and Axel in the quiet and empty foyer.

“I don’t think he’s coming back,” I say as I rise from the bench, a little lopsided with just the one boot on. I swallow to muster up the nerve to keep going. “How have you been?”

He shrugs. “Fine.”

He still won’t look at me.

“I wanted to tell you,” I say, getting in front of Axel, “my dad came by after that night at Kit’s. We talked. For a while actually. Hashed things out. Laid everything on the table. He came overlast weekend too. The three of us had dinner together. There was a lot I didn’t know about the situation. We’re working toward rebuilding our relationship, and it’s all thanks to you.” I try again to make eye contact after getting out my rambling updates. “Things with my mom have even been pretty good too.”

Axel nods. “I’m happy for you.”

My jaw clenches and I struggle to get out my next words. “I’m sorry for losing it on you and ditching you at Kit’s. And for not taking your calls or answering your texts. I’m sorry for all of it.” When he still won’t meet my gaze, I grab both his hands and practically shake him. “Would you look at me?”

“No, Jamie. I won’t look at you.”

“Why not?”

“I screwed up. I admit that and I apologized. I thought after some time and space you’d come and speak to me when you were ready. But instead, you ran right back to Ben and I had to hear about it from Olivia.” He peels his hands away from mine.

“No. That’s not true.” Light heart palpitations make the room spin. He’s got it wrong. I need to explain myself better but I don’t know where to start or what to say.

“I’ve got to go. I have plans.”

“You have plans?” I ask, my stomach lurching as the image of Olivia leaving Axel’s home plays in my mind. “With who? Olivia?”

“Yeah.” He pauses and his eyes meet with mine for a fleeting moment, confirming my worst fears.

My mouth opens but I remain silent as Axel walks out the front door.

And out of my life.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

“Jamie, we need to talk,” Ben says. We’re parked on his street after watching a terrible movie he suggested and having a subpar dinner (also his recommendation). “Let’s go for a walk, get some fresh air.”

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