Page 81 of You Started It

When I pull into my driveway, there’s a pickup truck parked on the side of the road by our house. Probably one of Mom’s customers, except her salon is closed on Mondays. Maybe it’s a friend of Eli’s.

I stay in my car for a few minutes before going inside. Something about my interaction with Ben isn’t sitting well with me. It was choppy. Awkward. Presumptuous. Does he think after all this time and everything that happened, I’d still consider being with him?

Just because something was once part of a plan doesn’t make it a canon event. When he leaned in to kiss me, the only thought I had wasNo. Get me out of here. But then why did I accept his invite to the formal? And why didn’t I tell him to eff off when he suggested going back to his houseafterthe formal?

I just sat there like an injured deer on the side of the road.

What is wrong with me?

I went from wanting to do whatever it takes to get Ben Cameron back to sliding away from his attempt to get close to me. He’s single. I’m single.We’resingle, and yet, I had zero desire to kiss him. When he told me about breaking up with Olivia, he may as well have been telling me there was a chance of rain in tomorrow’s forecast. There were no pulses of excitement coursing through my body when he asked me to the formal. Zero sparks flew when hetouched my hand. How could I be getting everything I want and still be so unhappy? Empty. Blah.

Axel.

I miss him.

It’s only been two days, but I miss him so much.

Axel saw in me something no one else ever has. Me included.

Someone who deserves to take up space.

Couples fight and make up all the time. Not every fight needs to lead to the demise of a relationship. This must be how healthy relationships span decades! No need to cancel someone the second they mess up. No one is perfect. And really, what Axel did wasn’t actually that bad. He had good intentions. His heart was in the right place. He couldn’t have possibly known how I’d react.

Speaking with Ben today, him trying to hit Resume on where we left things off before he went to camp, was exactly what I needed to help me see that my feelings for Axel are real. And they’re not going anywhere. I need to text Ben and tell him the formal is off.

But first, Axel.

I pick up my phone and scroll through the messages Axel sent Saturday night. It’s not too late. I can fix this.

Axel:I’m sorry.

I didn’t mean to hurt you.

I thought I was giving you something you wanted. Like you’d given me. But I was wrong.

I should have asked you first.

I feel terrible.

I get that I broke your trust and I’m really sorry.

If you ever want to talk, I’m here. Jamie, I really like you. A lot. I hope I didn’t screw things up between us.

And finally, the last message he sent me, which was at 9:45 Sunday morning.

I guess I’ll stop texting. But I’m here if you want to talk. I really am sorry.

I start typing a reply into my phone.

It’s okay.

Then I delete it.

I get what you were trying to do. I can even understand it. But

I delete again.

I miss you.

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