Page 69 of You Started It

“Is what why?” he asks, his eyebrows drawn together.

“She’s got the mom and the dad. Going off her car, she lives in a nice house. Her family probably eats dinner together every night. I bet they love you. Tall, handsome, smart. A big protector for their tiny, precious daughter.”

“Jamie, are you alright?” Ben asks, lowering his head to mine.

“I have to go,” I say, taking clumsy steps back from Ben as I try to ignore the burning in my throat. “You may as well throw out everything in that box. It obviously meant nothing to you.” I race down the steps before he has a chance to say anything else and run all the way home without stopping.

If I’m so over Ben, then why did speaking to him just now hurt so much?

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Once home, I climb up the steps to my bedroom and slam the door shut. Picking up my notebook, I plop down in bed and write Ben and Olivia’s names in red marker. Then I create a list of all the reasons why they suck!Stupid haircut (Ben). Annoying Instagram stories (Olivia). Liar (Ben). Selfish (Olivia). Sucks at calculus (Ben). Doesn’t know that there’s a helium shortage (Olivia). Barely ever drives (Ben). Ridiculous car (Olivia). TRAITOR (Ben). Boyfriend thief (Olivia).

Just as I’m about to begin the next, most satisfying step (crossing their names off with a giant X), there’s a knock at my door.

“What?” I shout.

The door opens slowly and Amo Eli stands in the frame, pretending to act offended. “Rude!”

“Sorry, I’m just…”

“In a bad mood again?” he asks. “What is it now?” He strolls in, unable to hide his disdain for the mess and clutter. He shoves a couple items off the foot of my bed to make room for himself to sit.

“You ever feel like the world’s against you? Or that, like, everyone is in on this big secret, and the secret is about you, but you don’t know what it is because no one has the guts to tell you?”

Eli’s eyebrows raise, his mouth shaped in an O. “Uh, yeah? I mean, feeling like the world is against you is part of being a young adult. The other thing, you may need to expand on.”

I put down my notebook and cross my legs. “It just feels like everyone has their own agenda and they’re out to get me.”

“Even me?” Eli asks, pressing his hand to his chest.

“You may be the lone outlier.”

“What about Axel? He’s a fluffy little marshmallow. I don’t think there’s one evil thought underneath those beautiful curls. He even insisted I go home early and said he’d work until Peter shows up for his shift.”

I swallow and release a long breath. “I have to tell you something. Something you have to promise you won’t tell Mom. Or anyone else for that matter.”

“I’m listening,” Eli says, shimmying closer.

“The thing with Axel is…was…fake. We’re not actually a couple. Well, not technically. I mean we definitely weren’t at first. Then it started to evolve into something but we haven’t put a label on it, and not to mention, he never signed the contract, so maybe that was his plan all along. And then there’s that DM Olivia showed me. And Ben constantly getting in my head with his theories about Axel just being one giant distraction based on physical attraction. Ugh,” I moan, letting out a dramatic exhale.

“Wait, back up: You and Axel are together or you’re not?”

A whiny noise gets lodged in my throat as I bring my gaze up to my uncle and pout. “I need a hug.”

“Oh, Jam-e.” Amo Eli wraps me in a hug and strokes my hair while I go all the way back to the beginning. The night Ben dumped me. Followed by my plan to get him back. Running over Betty White. Pretending to date Axel. The drives to and from school. Explaining what’s in it for Axel. But then it gets more complicated when I tell Eli about the bucket list. Wonderland. The Blue Rodeo concert. The wedding (I leave out the heavy make-out sesh). And I end by telling him what Ben and Olivia have both told me about Axel DMing Olivia behind my back.

“Yumma! You’ve been busy!”

“What do you think I should do?” I ask as I pry myself off my uncle.

“What does your heart tell you to do?”

The scent of my uncle’s cologne lingers. It’s the same cologne my grandfather (on my mother’s side) wears. “I really like Axel, but I’m not sure if I can fully trust him. And I guess I’d be lying to myself if I said I was completely over Ben. I thought I was. I even dropped off a box of his stuff to him today.” I sniffle and wipe away my tears. “How long does it take to truly get over someone?”

Amo Eli holds back a laugh. “Jamie, sometimes I still think about the cute boy I sat next to in tenth-grade religion. There’s no timeline for these things, babe. It’s kind of like grieving a death. It doesn’t ever fully go away. It just becomes part of you, and you learn how to move forward with that experience in your back pocket.”

“So you’re saying my past relationships will taint all future ones?” Is that what’s happening here? I’m using the demise of my relationship with Ben as an excuse not to move forward with Axel?

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