Page 58 of You Started It

“But it’s Saturday night and tomorrow is Thanksgiving,” I remind her.

“It’s hard to turn down business when you’re an entrepreneur. Besides, we’re all done here, aren’t we?”

I look down at our half-eaten meals. “Sort of.”

“You go ahead. I’ll drive Jamie home,” Ben says.

Mom’s eyes meet with mine and I shrug an agreeable shrug.

“You’re a lifesaver.” Mom rises from the table, grabbing her purse and my things.

“You never drive,” I say to Ben as Mom walks away.

“I borrowed my mom’s car.”

“Why? Is Olivia getting eyelash extensions? Or maybe she’s volunteering at the food bank again.”Cool it with the not-so-internalized misogyny, James.

“You’re being really judgmental about a person you don’t even know,” Ben says, all judgmental like.

“I don’t need to know her. She’s shown me who she really is. Actions speak louder than curated Instagram photos.”

Ben doesn’t have a comeback, which is weird, because any time I’ve spoken poorly of his precious girlfriend, he defends her.

“What? You’re not going to tell me again how wrong I am?” I ask.

“We’re sort of not talking at the moment,” Ben says, pulling my mom’s tray toward him.

“Lover’s quarrel? Let me guess, first one?”

“Yeah,” he says with a half-hearted laugh. Ben studies the leftover fries in front of him, picking up a few, but they don’t make it into his mouth. He drops them, then looks at me. “She found out about the tutoring and wasn’t impressed that I’d kept it from her. Then I called her after I saw you and Axel and she accused me of trying to find excuses to see you. I told her she was being paranoid and insecure and, well, that’s apparently all it takes to piss off Olivia.”

“It would piss me off too, to be honest.”

We laugh.

“It’s just weird,” he says, sliding the tray away. He leans an elbow on the table and rests his chin in his palm. He turns to me slightly, bumping his knee against mine. “You and I spent almost every day together for three years and now…nothing. This will be our first Thanksgiving apart since we met.”

“Do I need to remind you whose idea that was?”

“No. I know.” He shakes his head and sighs. “I guess I just kind of miss you.”

Convenient that he misses me when his girlfriend isn’t speaking to him. He keeps doing this. He keeps popping up in my life every time I start to think I don’t need him anymore. And it’s not because he regrets breaking up with me. He just expects me to forget everything that happened to ease his conscience. Well, I won’t do that. It’s not fair to me. He can’t dump me and then expect me to tutor him in math, give him rides home, and accept his new girlfriend. He also doesn’t get to interrupt private moments between me and Axel. A moment I’m still thinking about. “If this is about trying to be friends again, I told you, I can’t.”

“Why not? I don’t get it.”

“Because, Ben, it hurts too much. Is that what you want to hear? You broke my heart without any regard for our history or my feelings, and the second I feel like I’m putting the pieces back together,you materialize again, all puppy-eyed, trying to insert yourself back into my life. Well I’m sorry. It doesn’t work that way.” I push out my chair and stand. “At least not for me.”

He remains sitting, a look of defeat on his face. “I’m worried about you, Jamie. I don’t trust this Axel guy.”

“Why? Because your egotistical girlfriend seems to think Axel is obsessed with her?”

“He’s not for you, okay? Do I have to say it?” Ben rises and stands so close, his hot breath trickles down to my face.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask, breathing out of my nose like an angry bull.

“Come on, do you really see yourself having a future with this guy? He posts videos of himself dancing online. Cringe. Not to mention all the red flags I pointed out before. Why can’t you just admit it to yourself?”

“Admit what?” I ask, my heart thumping against my chest, fingernails digging into my palms, mouth dry.

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