Page 56 of You Started It

This last week has been spent ignoring daily apology texts from Ben. He apparently feels bad about how he approached the “situation,” but still stands by what Olivia said. It’s not like I can admit to Ben that the only reason Axel stole his seat on the roller coaster was so Ben would be forced to sit with me. That being said, learning that Axel flirted with Olivia has put me and my stomach in a permanent state of unease.

I know I have unhealed trauma from how my relationship with Ben ended, but I don’t love that Axel flirted with Olivia, even if it was just to test her. Technically speaking, he is a free agent, but we agreed that he needed to give off the impression we are exclusive. Whatever. I can’t control what he does. Clearly, since HE STILL HASN’T SIGNED THE CONTRACT.

Truthfully, I haven’t even tried to get Axel to sign the contract in weeks. The closer we get, the weirder it feels to make him sign his name on the dotted line. There was a moment last weekend (lots of them), but I guess they’ve all faded into oblivion, because we’re back to drives to and from school, lunches together, and public displays of affection limited to when we’re in public. It feels like we’re business partners, not friends. Definitely not more than friends.

What happened?

I keep replaying that moment outside his house with Ben, trying to figure out what turned the setting of our relationship from warm to ice cold.

“Knock, knock,” Mom says, standing in my doorway. Her eyes shift around my room. I sit up in bed and place my phone down.

“I know, I know. It’s a mess.”

She strolls in and opens my closet door. “So?” she says. “Eli tells me you’re going to a wedding tomorrow. Axel’s cousin?”

“Yeah. Do you have a problem with that?” I ask, struggling to hide the defensiveness in my tone.

“Not at all. Eli and I will be having Thanksgiving dinner with the Camerons, so it actually works out.”

“Oh. Maybe you’ll get to meet Olivia,” I say as a fake smile stretches over my face.

“Jamie.”

“It’s fine. I really don’t care.”

“You know, Arab weddings are pretty fun. Do you have anything to wear?” She focuses her attention back on my closet, sliding my mostly empty hangers across the rod and searching through the small percentage of clothing that is hung up.

“I haven’t thought about it much,” I say, now doodling in my journal.

“The wedding is tomorrow, Jamie. I have an idea,” Mom says, rubbing her hands together. “Let’s go shopping. I’ll treat you to a new dress.”

“You hate the mall,” I remind her.

“So do you. We can hate it together. And I’ll buy you dinner after.”

“Why are you being so nice?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at her.

Mom laughs and sits on my bed. “Maybe I was a bit too quick to judge Axel. Eli keeps telling me what a great kid he is, and heseems to make you happy. Would I prefer you stay single? Sure. But it’s your life, not mine.”

“Wow,” I say, squinting at her. “Did Amo Eli spike your coffee this morning?”

“I don’t mean to be terrible, Jamie. I just…” She pauses and sighs. “I’ve been through a lot. I look at you and I’m reminded of myself and how we’re all just one decision away from changing the course of our lives. I never wanted to be the kind of mom who tells you what to do. It’s how I was raised and I won’t do that to you, but I also can’t seem to help myself from inserting my opinions. Probably doesn’t help that I have so many of them.” She laughs. “But I’ll try to do better.”

“I guess I can also try to listen more. And maybe clean my room once in a while.”

She grins. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

“Yeah. I threw that last one in to be nice but had no real intention of following through.”

She playfully pinches my nose before rising. “So, the mall?”

“Sure,” I say. “I just need to send someone a message. Be down in a few.”

I open Instagram and pull up Olivia’s profile as Mom leaves my room. I click Message and start typing furiously.

FYI your boyfriend keeps texting me. I guess karma is my ex-boyfriend.

I hit Send without giving it a second thought.

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