Page 103 of You Started It

“Ben? No.” I shake my head. “That’s long over.”

“Then why did I see the two of you hugging on his driveway a few minutes ago?”

Okay, this is not off to a good start. “We were making up,” I say, the words coming out quickly. “But as friends. He and Olivia are back on.”

Axel doesn’t respond.

“No seriously,” I say, nodding with wide eyes. “They’re going to the formal together. Which, by the way, I hear you’re performing at.”

Axel sighs and runs a hand through his curls. “The social committee begged me to. I eventually caved, but to be honest, I’m not really feeling it.”

“I’ve noticed you haven’t posted any new TikToks lately,” I say, trying to keep my shaky hands still.

He shrugs, looking past my shoulder. “Haven’t felt inspired to.”

“Maybe you can talk Finn and Diesel into performing with you at the formal. It might help to have some friends on stage.”

“That’s actually not a bad idea,” he says with an approving nod, warming up ever so slightly. “So, will you be there?”

I look down at the shopping bag in my hand and slide it out of view. “I haven’t decided. I don’t have a date and, well, the venue itself leaves much to be desired.”

When the silence between us drags on, I take a step closer and go on. “I really liked you, Axel.”

“Yeah. I really liked you too.”

“I guess I need to make this clearer.” I put my bag down and take a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I think I was falling in love with you and it scared me. I’d been down that road before and it ended in heartache. It always seems to end in heartache when I open myself up to someone. When you orchestrated that reunion with my father, I felt blindsided, like I did when Ben dumped me. I know it’s not the same but it’s how I felt, and the way I reacted was wrong. I think I was just trying to protect myself.”

“Okay,” Axel says, nodding.

“And when I thought you and Olivia were getting close it felt like the ultimate betrayal.”

“It’s not what you think,” he replies.

“I know. I spoke with Olivia. She explained everything.”

“Huh,” Axel says, taking a step back. “You listened to Olivia, but you wouldn’t listen to me when I tried to explain?”

“I was too angry and hurt to hear you. It’s one of my worst habits. Letting my emotions override clear thinking. I say and do things I shouldn’t. And I’m sorry. I’m really trying to work on it.”

“Do you know what it’s like to always feel as if I come in last place with you?”

I scratch at my temple, then rake my fingers through my hair. “What do you mean?”

“Whenever we were together it was about how much you hated your mom and Olivia. How annoying your uncle was. How much you missed Ben, and your dad. I was never a priority, Jamie. Even worse, you felt the need to remind me time and time again that we were just a business arrangement, constantly dangling the contract in front of me. And just now, you took the time to listen to your sworn enemy over someone you claim to be falling in love with. I’ve never been enough for you.”

“No. You’ve got it all wrong, Axel.”

“And now you’re invalidating my feelings. When we were together, fake or not, I tried to bring you into my life by introducing you to my family and my friends. I put you above everyone else. And you couldn’t do the same for me. Not even a little. Relationships are supposed to be give and take. The truth is, we were never balanced. I always liked you more than you liked me.”

“That’s not true. I was just afraid.”

“Of what?”

Of letting you in. Of facing heartbreak again. Of experiencing the greatest love. A love I never thought I would get to experience. A love I didn’t think I deserved.I don’t say the words out loud because I don’t want to make this about me. It’s about us. Why can’t we get it right?

“I understand why you felt the way you did.Do.I’m not discounting that,” I say. “But you’re all I think about now. I miss you. I want to be with you.” I take a step toward him, breathing in his scent, wanting so badly for him to hold my hands. “I love…”

“No.” He shakes his head. “Don’t say it. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

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