Page 72 of On Thin Ice

“That’s not—” he started, but I cut him off.

“Not what?” I demanded. “Not true? Then prove it.”

He stared at me, his chest rising and falling with hard, labored breaths.

I pushed him again, not with my hands this time, but with my words. “Say it. Say you want me. Say you don’t care that others know about us. Say I’m worth it.”

He shook his head once, sharp and brutal. “Ican’t.”

The words fell like dead weight between us.

I should have seen this coming.Hadseen it coming from the moment he’d first kissed me in that hotel room after our win against Washington. I’d known exactly how this story would end, had rehearsed this moment in my head a hundred times, promising myself I’d be fine when it finally happened. That I wouldn't break.

Well, I was breaking now, wasn’t I?

My throat closed up, a hot, tight pressure building behind my eyes. I clenched my jaw until my teeth ached, fighting to keep my face from crumbling.

“Yeah. That’s what I thought,” I said, feeling completely hollowed out.

“I’m not like you, Bell,” he forced out. “I can’t just … just shrug it off when people start talking. I can’t—” His voice cracked. “I can’t lose everything.”

“Lose what?” I spat. “You don’thaveanything, Ethan. You’re alone and miserable. You don’t have any friends. You don’t go out. You’re too afraid to talk to your family for more than ten minutes at a time because God forbid they should see you for who you really are.”

Ethan’s face went blank … so blank it was like watching a door slam shut behind his eyes.

“You’re standing there, looking at me like you think I’m the fucking problem here, but I’m not. You’re the one who’s so goddamn scared of being happy it makes you sick.”

His hands were shaking as he raised them to tunnel through his hair. He gripped the strands at the roots and yanked, a ragged noise tearing free from his chest. For a second, he stayed like that, breathing hard. Then he dropped his hands. They hung limp at his sides like he didn’t know what to do with them.

“And do you want to know the worst part?” I continued, my voice barely above a whisper. “The worst part is I could have made you so fucking happy, but you threw it all away on someone who smells likethat.” I flung my hand toward him, the sticky, sweet scent still burning in my nostrils.

Ethan flinched, then opened his mouth like he might say something—might tell me I was wrong—but no words came out. His hand twitched once, halfway lifting, before falling back down uselessly.

I stared at him for a beat, my chest heaving, my heart breaking open wide, silently begging for him to fight for me.

To fight for us.

When twenty seconds passed and he hadn’t moved or spoken, I stomped away, slamming my bedroom door behind me. The sound reverberated like a gunshot, the finality of it settling in my bones.

I grabbed my bag out of the closet and stalked to my dresser, pulling the drawer open with so much force that I heard the sound of wood splintering, the sharp crack vibrating up through my fingers. For a second, I almost felt bad about the damage, but then I snorted and shook my head. Ethan was lucky I hadn’t ruined more of his stuff. Hadn’t torn his whole fucking house apart.

I started shoving clothes into my bag, not really seeing or caring what I grabbed. A few T-shirts. Socks. A pair of sweats. It didn’t matter.

All I knew was I couldn’t stay here another minute.

I zipped my bag up halfway before realizing I didn’t actually know where the hell I was going.

Miller was my only real friend on the team, but he lived with Lathan, and I wasn’t about to show up on their doorstep with all my messy baggage. My teammates didn’t need to know what a fucking mess I was.

“Shit,” I muttered, running a hand through my hair, my fingers getting caught in the knots.

I reached into my pocket to grab my phone, only to find it empty.

Of course. Of fucking course.

It was still out in the living room, abandoned on the coffee table.

I stared at the door, trying to work up the courage to move toward it, but the thought of walking back out there—of running into him—made my chest tighten until it hurt.

---