Page 88 of Fumbled Into Love

Her nose scrunches.

“You deserve everything. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Got it?” She says it all quietly enough that my mom and sister can’t hear her, but her conviction reverberates through my bones.

“Got it.”

Nathalie excuses herself to use the bathroom, and once the door clicks shut, my mom looks at me, her eyes shining with unshed tears, and says, with no room for argument, “Do not let her go, Deon. She loves you the way you deserve to be loved.”

I nod, but guilt slowly corrodes my insides.

She’s not mine to keep.

At least not forever.

CHAPTER 20

“Can you feel me now that I’m vulnerable in oh so many ways”

Light On – Maggie Rogers

Nathalie

Gordie leaps from my lap, scrambling toward the door. I lift my gaze from my book to watch the small ball of fur dart away. His frantic meows beckon Deon, who rounds the corner from the kitchen, wearing nothing but sweatpants that hang so, so low on his hips. I avert my gaze before my warm cheeks give me away.

As soon as Deon’s family left, I moved my belongings back into the guest room. His words repeat in my mind on a constant loop.You won’t have my calves to warm your toes forever.

Such a throwaway statement, but the truth of them reverberated to my core and settled like a rock in my stomach.

Deon’s right.

This is going to end, and I need to do better at keeping my emotions far away from the situation. Sleeping with him was a reckless, stupid idea. It muddied the waters so thoroughly that I don’t know where fake ends and real starts.

One night in a bed with Deon was enough to know I would not survive another. Sleeping beside someone is an intimacy I wasn’t prepared for.

“What’s his problem?” He asks, grabbing a protein shake from the fridge. Gordie shrieks and Deon cowers. “I’m sorry,” he whispers to his cat, “Your emotions are totally valid.”

I fight a snicker and drop my book on the coffee table.

“I don’t know. He was sleeping a minute ago. Did you order anything?” I ask, reaching Gordie, who’s frantically pawing at the front door.

When I fling the door open, I expect to find a package at the door, not Declan, who’s standing in nothing but a t-shirt and shorts, shivering from the whipping December air.

My breath lodges in my throat.

Tears streak his cheeks, nearly freezing from the weather, and his eyes are bloodshot. He wipes his nose before crashing his body against mine, nearly sending me tumbling. His skin is icy as he clutches me in his arms, and his body convulses from the intensity of his sobs.

I don’t know why he’s crying, and that’s what scares me most.

I’ve never known this version of Declan, but I know if I wasn’t holding onto him, I don’t think he would be able to stand on his own.

“Declan, what’s wrong?”

He separates from me, but before he can speak, Deon is beside me, fully clothed and dragging Declan into the house.

“Get inside. It’s freezing.”

Deon gently wraps a blanket around Declan and guides him to the couch, and my heart beats erratically from nerves about Declan but also from the way Deon is treating him with such tender kindness.

It’s doing something to my heart, the samesomethingit does when Deon shares a little part of himself with me or does something thoughtful.

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