Page 119 of Fumbled Into Love

“How did you sneak out of bed without him noticing?”

“I stuffed some pillows in a sweatshirt and ran.”

Every time I tried to slink out of bed, Deon dragged me closer, caging me in his embrace. On one attempt, he slung his leg over mine, and I had to wait until he was snoring again to try to wiggle out of hisgrip.

He’s my backpack when I'm asleep. I love it, except when I’m attempting to sneak out to surprise him. Then it’s cumbersome.

Our rules are broken at night, but I’ve never said anything because he can’t control what he does in his sleep, the same way I can’t control how deeply I love him.

Declan snickers as we drive toward Maren’s house to pick up the food hiding in her fridge. There’s no way I could have pulled this off without her or Sawyer.

“Will you tell me what’s going on?” Declan asks, slamming the breaks until we're sitting idle in the middle of Deon’s gated neighborhood.

“Today is Deon’s birthday and I planned something for him,” I admit, unable to conceal my blush. The only reason I’m able to pull this off is because the 26thlands on a Tuesday and they have a home game this week.

I explain my plan as Declan drives, and when we park, he grabs my bicep, halting my escape.

“Have you told him you love him?” he asks and my muscles seize. I slip out of the car to escape his questioning, but he’s hot on my heels. “Nathalie,” he presses, stopping me.

“No.” I rip my arm away. “I’m not going to tell him and neither are you,” I say pointedly, stomping toward the door.

“Why are you being so—”

“Sowhat?” I know he’s going to call me stubborn or hard-headed, but I’m not. What I am is logical and realistic. “Protective of my heart?” I spit, my anger and sadness a physical thing in my chest.

The necklace he gifted me burns against my chest. Arwen’s Evenstar. He gave it to me as a kind gesture, but all I see is her confession, her choice to love him instead of her immortality.

It’s a declaration of love, and my fake boyfriend gave it to me.

Declan’s eyes widen in shock and regret, but he doubles down.

“You don’t know how he feels. What if you could have something real?”

I shake my head, gnawing on my lip so aggressively it nearly bleeds.

“He made it clear what this is: Just sex. It’s not his fault I fell in love with him, and I willnotburden him with that knowledge. Not even if the rules are broken.”

“But Nathalie—”

“No.”Now I’m fuckingpleadingwith Declan to let this go. “How many times has he said he doesn’t date? On how many occasions has he made it clear he doesn’t want a relationship?”

Declan stands silent in Maren and Jack’s driveway. He knows the answers to my questions. It’s why he looks away.

“Exactly,” I continue. “There’s been no sign he wants anything different, nor has he told me he wants more. Touching me and fucking me is not the same asloving me.” My voice cracks with the harsh reality. “I am not saying anything, and that’s the end of it.”

I turn to find Maren and Jack standing on the porch, bundled in jackets, witnesses to our argument. There’s a melancholic look on Maren’s face, and Jack looks stunned as I slip past and into the house.

I’m halfway into the kitchen when I’m ripped from behind and dragged into an office. I’m ready to scream at Declan when Maren’s distinctive citrus perfume hits my nostrils as her body collides with mine in a brutal hug.

“Are you okay?”

“Are you hugging me?” I ask, in awe and disbelief.

Her laugh is quiet. “You looked like you needed one.”

“I do,” I admit, tears brimming in my eyes. “Today was supposed to be fun, not sad.”

Her hand swipes along my back in the most comforting hug I’ve ever received from Maren.

---