Page 105 of Fumbled Into Love

I wish he saw himself the way I do. I ache for him to understand how he makes me feel. With him, everything is right. For so long, I thought I was missing something. That part of myself was lacking, and that’s why no fling or situationship ever lasted.

Turns out, all I’ve ever wanted was right in front of me. He’s so special, and he has no idea.

I crawl onto his lap, my breasts pressed against his chest, his hardened cock bobbing between us.

I cup his cheek, and he sinks into the contact, eyes closing.

In a flash, the pros and cons list flashes in my mind.

Pros

I wouldn’t have to hide how I feel.

He would understand how worthy he is.

Cons

The rejection could crush me.

He doesn’t want a relationship.

Iwantsomeone to choose me. Not ask them to.

The cons win by a landslide, but I kiss him and pour everything I’m unwilling to say into the kiss. It’s all lips and teeth and desperation. His fingers tangle in my hair, pulling me closer as elation rushes through me. It’s not words, but it's a response, nonetheless. It feels like a promise. An understanding. A recognition.

Then reality floods back, and I realize I’m projecting what I feel. This is nothing more than physical to him.

The water washes away the tears that slip out as he kisses me like a man starved.

He guides the kiss, and I trail my fingers along his skin, letting my silent confession settle deepin my chest.

I’ve never loved anyone like this before. It’s overwhelming and the most glorious thing I’ve ever experienced, but he’ll never know I feel this way about him.

I’ve spent time contemplating telling him after the gala. Spent long hours after Deon’s fallen asleep weighing every pro and con I could conjure. Ultimately, it comes down to two things: I refuse to ask someone to love me, and my feelings were never a part of the deal.

He deserves to know someone loves him, but I can’t stomach the rejection. Maybe one day, he’ll open himself up for someone else to love him. I hope he does. He’s worthy of it.

I meant what I said when I told him it’s heartbreaking to watch someone give up on finding love. Everyone is worthy and deserving of it, and I hope one day, Deon decides that for himself and finds someone worthy of him.

If I thought I had a morsel of a shot that Deon would choose me, I would wait until he was ready for a relationship.

That’s how I know he holds too much power.

If Deon Adams asked, I would wait for him forever and one day more, just to be sure.

But he’s not going to ask, so I’m not going to wait.

The kiss breaks, and Deon’s sea-green eyes crack open. Confusion swims in his gaze, and I rise from the bench to finish showering.

Deon insists on washing my hair, and I let him, closing my eyes to lock away the tears. It’s the gentlest moment I’ve ever shared with someone, and if I open my eyes—If I look at Deon—I’ll crack into a million pieces.

He shuts the water off and wraps a soft, warm towel around my body. Wordlessly, he places a kiss on the top of my head—obliterating rule number two and making my heart skipa few beats—and as soon as he turns, I’m out of the bathroom and digging for clothes in my suitcase.

I need Declan as a buffer right now. I amsoclose to a breakdown. Being alone with Deon right now will speed up the timeline on that.

He holds me like a lifeline when we sleep at night. In the morning, the first thing he does is lift his calves so I can wiggle my toes beneath them. He places a tender kiss on my shoulder and murmurs good morning against my skin.

It’s all too real.

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