Page 45 of The Paris Chapter

I heard the apartment door open and close then. ‘I’m going to go and have dinner now,’ I said quickly to Carly, not wanting Ethan to hear any part of this conversation. ‘I’ll talk to you soon. Bye!’ I hung up before she could stop me and took a breath before I left the bedroom.

The problem was, I did understand my best friend’s concern. I had sworn off love so hard I hadn’t been able to write about it, but this afternoon, I had been swept up in Ethan’s kisses and touch. It had been easy to picture more with him. Iwantedmore. And that was terrifying based on my last relationship experience.

Was I being too impulsive? What if I got hurt all over again?

Ethan was in the kitchen unpacking food from a brown paper bag when I walked in. ‘Hi there,’ he said, smiling warmly when he saw me. ‘I thought we could have picky bits maybe over a game of chess. What do you think?’

Seeing him helped. Our eyes met and sparks flew, but it was hard to ignore the seed of doubt that had settled in my chest. I trusted Carly and she was worried about this. ‘Sounds good,’ I said, forcing on a smile. ‘I’ll get some wine and set up the game,’ I offered as Ethan started to arrange a fancy board of cheese, bread, olives, and cold meats. I poured two glasses of red wine and took them over to the sofa area, finding the chessboard and setting it up on the coffee table as I knelt on the carpet.

Then my phone beeped with a message. I assumed it was Carly wanting to talk again, so when I saw Joe’s name on my phone screen, I did a double take. I had started to think his phone call the other night was just a mistake. A bum dial even. But now he had sent me a text.

I looked over at Ethan in the kitchen, but he was humming as he sorted out the food, so I opened up Joe’s message to read it.

When do you get back from Paris? Could we talk?

It felt like my phone was on fire. I put it down onto the coffee table as if I had been burnt. I stared at his words on the screen in shock. My pulse sped up at the thought of seeing him again. I wasn’t sure if it was from fear or hope.

‘Something wrong, Tessa?’

I jumped as Ethan was suddenly close by me, holding the wooden board of food, looking down at me on the floor with concern. I thought about lying but I was never very good at that.

‘Joe just texted me. He wants to talk when I go home.’

Ethan put the food down on the coffee table next to the chessboard. A shadow crossed his face as he sank into the sofa. ‘I see. Do you want to?’

‘No,’ I said quickly, but I bit my lip. ‘I’m not sure. I wonder what he wants to say to me.’

Ethan reached for the glass of wine I had poured and took a long gulp from it before replying. ‘I guess you need to ask yourself if you want to hear it or not,’ he replied. His voice sounded strained.

‘I mean, you know how much he hurt me but…’ I trailed off, feeling that sting of rejection all over again.

‘You’re curious?’ Ethan asked me.

‘Maybe a little bit. Is that crazy?’ The feelings Joe’s message had stirred up were confusing and irritating. I wanted to forget the six months I was with him, but looking across at his best friend was a stark reminder that I was unlikely to be able to do that anytime soon.

‘You’ll only know what Joe wants to say if you meet up with him,’ he said.

‘So, you think I should?’ I asked, worried that if he said yes, it meant that he didn’t care about me like it felt earlier he might do.

‘Maybe I shouldn’t be involved in this.’ Ethan shifted uncomfortably on the sofa.

I was embarrassed. ‘God, of course, he’s your friend and we… Well, I’m not sure what we are.’ I coughed nervously and wished I had lied when he’d asked me what was wrong. There was sudden tension between us, and I hated that Joe had caused it. And my conversation with Carly too. We had been happy just an hour ago, I had thought. I wanted that back. Even if it was just for the rest of the night.

‘Anyway,’ I said brightly. ‘I’m staying in Paris so there is no need to decide anything.’ I had meant Joe but I supposed the same was true for me and Ethan too. I needed to stop myself from doing what Carly said and rushing ahead of myself. ‘I’ll just tell him I’m not sure when I’ll be coming home.’ I was relieved I could put off deciding whether to talk to him or not.

After I sent a message back, I put my phone face down on the coffee table so I wouldn’t see if Joe replied, I looked at Ethan. He was quiet, looking anywhere but at me. I longed to know what he was thinking. ‘I don’t want our evening ruined,’ I said quietly. ‘Joe has done enough damage.’

Ethan’s eyes came back to me finally. ‘He has,’ he agreed.

I looked at the food, desperate to change the subject and getaway from the shadow cast by my ex and his best friend. ‘This looks great,’ I told Ethan as I reached for some cheese and bread. ‘All my favourite foods together.’

Ethan was watching me closely but after a beat, he leaned forward and picked up a piece of cheese too. ‘I’m glad you like it. I was thinking as I was putting it all out what you said about your flat in Putney not feeling like home… There is a street in Paris with homeware and antique shops; we could check it out if you like?’

I nodded eagerly, relieved he had followed my lead and moved the subject on. ‘I’d love some things from Paris, to remember this trip.’

‘We could go after my course finishes tomorrow, if you like?’

‘Sounds good to me.’

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