Page 44 of The Paris Chapter

A thrill of anticipation ran through me at the thought of what would happen between us if we let ourselves take our clothes off. It was like I’d been asleep but Ethan was waking me up. And I didn’t want to have to close my eyes again.

19

The rain continued as dusk fell and Ethan and I both agreed we wanted to stay in the cosy apartment for our last evening here. Ethan said he would go out for provisions. I went into the bedroom to put my things back in my suitcase ready to move in with Juliette tomorrow.

How soon can I see you when you come back to London?

Carly messaged me as I was packing. I felt bad for not having told her my new plans. London and my best friend suddenly felt very far away. I phoned her and she answered instantly.

After we said our hellos, I explained what was going on. ‘I thought I might stay in Paris a bit longer…’

There was a short silence. ‘Because of Ethan?’

‘Um…’ I hesitated because her tone sounded annoyed. ‘Well, no, not exactly… I told Gita that my book will be set in Paris and I think being here will help me start to write it.’

‘Have you started?’

‘Not yet,’ I admitted.

‘Because you’ve been spending so much time with Ethan?’

‘No, you know I’ve been stuck. He’s helped – taking me to romantic spots and showing me the city. I have an idea, I just need to start writing now.’

‘And will you, if you’re still with him?’

‘He’s doing a cookery course; I’ll have lots of writing time. And being here is inspiring me. And, okay, kissing Ethan has been nice and maybe I don’t want to have to stop doing that,’ I said, touching my lips, which still tingled from our kisses earlier.

Carly sighed. ‘I’m worried, Tessa. You sound invested in this guy already. But you need to be careful. Joe really hurt you and you only split up two months ago…’

I sank down onto the bed, the packing forgotten as I was reminded of his betrayal. ‘I know that. It’s not like I’m rushing into a relationship. We are just getting to know each other.’ I blushed thinking about our activities on this very bed. It had felt so good.

Am I lying to Carly? Am I lying to myself?

‘And like I said, I’m not staying for Ethan,’ I added, feeling defensive. ‘I really need to try writing this book before I tell Gita I won’t make the deadline. I need something to show her. Ethan is just an added bonus.’

‘Tessa, you know I love you and I was all for you going on the Paris trip to get some distance from all the shit you’ve been through. I hoped it would give you inspiration for your book, but you can be impulsive when it comes to men. You sometimes equate them with your worth as a person. Like Joe. You moved in with him after only six weeks! And you told me that sometimes you didn’t feel good about yourself while you were together. What if that happens all over again?’

‘Wow,’ I said, her words penetrating my skin like a bee sting. ‘I didn’t realise that’s what you thought of me. So, because Imoved too quickly and fell in love with him, what Joe did to me was all my fault?’

‘Of course not! But you maybe didn’t know him well enough when you moved in. And I hated how he made you feel bad about yourself. I don’t want that to happen with Ethan. And, I mean, he’s Joe’s best friend. You don’t know him very well yet.’ Carly sighed. ‘You’re not doing it so Joe will find out, are you?’

The question startled me. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Are you trying to make Joe jealous?’

I was taken aback. Joe, of course, knew we’d turned up at this apartment together and had no doubt seen the photos on social media of us hanging out with Ethan’s Parisian friends. But Joe didn’t know we’d kissed or what we’d got up to today. ‘He wouldn’t care anyway; he cheated on me. He’s with Rachel.’ I wasn’t sure if I wanted Joe to know about us. Part of me would enjoy him knowing that another man wanted me when he hadn’t. But I was worried what he might say about me to Ethan. If Joe thought I wasn’t good enough for him, would he feel the same way about his friend?

‘But it’s kind of weird, isn’t it? To be with his best mate. It keeps you in his orbit.’

‘Joe isn’t in Paris,’ I said, relieved about that for sure. ‘I’m here with Ethan, not him.’

‘That’s my point though. It’s only been two months since you were with Joe. It feels like things are moving kind of fast with you and Ethan. You’ve only known him five days but now you are staying in Paris to be with him?’

‘No, to work on my book!’ I cried. ‘Look, Carly, whatever you think, Paris has been good for me so far, and I don’t want to give that up just yet. I’m staying with Ethan’s friend Juliette for a few more days and I am going to try to write.’

‘I hope so, Tessa,’ she said. ‘You know that I’m just trying to look out for you.’

‘Ethan is nothing like Joe,’ I said, but uncertainty had crept in. Being with Ethan this afternoon had been so amazing, but Carly did have a point when she said that I didn’t know him all that well. And reminding me how quickly I’d moved in with Joe. Not knowing him well turned out to be an understatement.

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