Page 23 of The Paris Chapter

‘Well, I went back to our flat. If I can even still call it that,’ I said. ‘I called my best friend Carly, and she and her husband told me to start packing up my things and they would come and help. I could stay at theirs. Joe came back while I was packing and I asked if it was true he’d been seeing Rachel for the whole six months we were together and he said it was, and he hadn’t meant to hurt me. They had been a couple on and off for a long time. She wanted commitment but he hadn’t been sure and hadkept on seeing me. When Carly and Luke arrived, they made him leave. We packed my things and I haven’t seen or heard from him since.’ I said the last bit all in a rush to get it out, then my chest sagged.

Ethan was quiet for a moment. ‘I’m sorry, Tessa. Joe feels like he has a lot to prove to his family, and I think that affects how he treats people. His father is a demanding man. Joe feels he has to be successful. And that’s why he shows off. His money, his clothes, his looks… He learnt to look down on others from his family. I’ve always thought he’s an unhappy man.’

‘Maybe, but that doesn’t excuse him cheating.’

‘No, of course not! I didn’t mean that. But I think he thinks more about who he should be with than who he really wants to be with. He should have been happy to have found someone he loved but instead, he’s chosen someone his family knows.’

‘Oh?’ I hadn’t known that. Joe hadn’t told me anything. He’d just let me leave.

‘Yeah, Rachel is an old family friend, the daughter of someone his dad plays golf with. Tessa, please don’t think it was because of anything you did. Joe has been pushed towards Rachel for most of his life. I don’t think he loves her. She’s successful, rich, from the same world that he is. That’s important to him.’

‘But if she’s always been in the background, why did he even ask me out in the first place?’

‘Maybe he just couldn’t not ask you out,’ Ethan said, looking away. ‘Even though he knew he shouldn’t.’

‘He hurt me, Ethan. Whatever pressure his family might have put on him, he didn’t need to do that. He could have been honest with me instead of stringing us both along. Instead of making me feel like I wasn’t good enough. That I just wasn’t enough.’

‘I wish you hadn’t felt like that,’ Ethan said softly. ‘But I get it.He can make people feel that way.’ I could see in his eyes that Ethan had felt that way at some point too.

It really sucked that Joe had that power over people.

‘I need to go to bed now.’ I jumped up and the room swam for a second, but I stumbled out and into the bedroom. I sank down onto the bed, my head a complete mess. I had been humiliated by Joe. He had made me feel worthless. Blaming me for everything when it was him who had been playing games and lying and not being true to himself. I would never understand that.

But finding out that maybe Joe would have done what he had done to any woman because he cared more about who his family wanted him to be with than who he actually wanted helped a little bit.

Maybe it wasn’t my fault after all.

Talking with Ethan hadn’t reduced my anger towards Joe or the fact I’d wasted time and my heart on such a man, but it did stop me feeling as ashamed as I had done. I thought I’d pushed him to cheat because I wasn’t enough. But maybe I just wasn’t enough forhim. Because I didn’t have a fancy upbringing, I didn’t have a typical job, I wasn’t from a wealthy family. But if that’s what he really cared about then him doing what he had done was a good thing. I certainly didn’t want to be with a man like that.

‘Are you okay?’

I looked up to see Ethan in the doorway. I nodded. ‘I feel like I’m starting to wonder if we just weren’t meant to be. That maybe it wasn’t because I’m not good enough… He just couldn’t let himself love me. You know that cliché, maybe it was him and not me after all?’

‘I think you’re right about that,’ Ethan said. ‘Of course you’re good enough. You’re more than good enough for… anyone.’

‘So are you,’ I said firmly.

‘I don’t know about that,’ Ethan said.

‘You’ll find someone incredible. Never let Joe make you feel less than because you don’t have his money or family or whatever. You’re twice the man he will ever be.’

We looked at one another. Was I imagining a sudden heat in the air?

Ethan stepped into the room. And my pulse sped up. We were quiet for a moment, then Ethan shook his head like he needed to break the tension. ‘Joe is a lot taller than me though,’ he said, his lips twitching.

I smiled, relieved that he was joking after such a serious chat. ‘Yeah, he does win there.’

‘Hey!’ Ethan walked up to the bed and grabbed a pillow, tossing it towards me but so gently, I caught it easily. ‘He does always like to bring my height up.’

‘Hmm, I can imagine he does. God, what a tosspot.’

‘Tosspot?’ His eyes twinkled.

‘It’s a valid diss word,’ I replied. I got up onto my knees and moved back so I could flop on the pile of pillows. ‘Sit with me?’ I asked. ‘It’s comfier than the sofa.’

‘I think most things are.’ Ethan climbed onto the bed and sat next to me, leaning back against the headboard. ‘Oh, man, I shouldn’t have given up this bed so easily. The sofa has wrecked my back already. This bed is paradise in comparison.’

I nodded. ‘So good, isn’t it? I’ve slept so well here.’ I felt Ethan turn to me with a glare, so I moved my head so I could meet his eyes, and I chuckled. ‘Sorry, that was rubbing it in.’

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